God of Highschool: God of Wait wtf is this a 'date!
by WakaWakaDub
Summary: God of Highschool: Jin Mori and Lee SooJin get close, eventually leading up to going on a lil 'dates', they call it 'forced' they call it 'not a date', but still dating. As their friends watch carefully at this tragedy about two people who don't know anything about dating. And then terrible aftermath. Jin Mo-riXLee Soo-Jin . Rated M for adult humor. Cover art by me. R&R. A lil OOC
1. C1: God of Friends With Benefits

**God of "Forced" Dates**

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 **Reviews:**

 **meliodas340: Yes, thank you. I work really hard on the jokes. :D**

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They sat in the middle of his home around the table. The trio sat around in the mildest of boredom.

"Hey~...should I order take-out? Mira?" Asked Jin Mori, the giddy owner of the small establishment they were currently hanging out at.

"Nah, I'm watching my weight, don't want to get slow, that would effect my sword skills." Replied the glasses wearing kendo girl, leaning her head flat on the table, boredom zapping away her will to sit up straight.

Jin Mori shrugged, leaning back on his hands.

"Guess that makes sense. You Han Daewi?"

Turning his head towards the sleepy eyed oppa.

"I don't like take-out..."

Yu Mira and Jin Mori rolled their eyes at Han Daewi's otherwise lazy response. All three released heavy sighs before a gap of silence.

"Daewi...heard you been dating someone..." Mira said, lifting her limp head and tapping her fingernails on the table.

"Nurse..." Another lazy reply from his lips.

Jin Mori sat up straight now, looking at the sleepy oppa who was lying on his back.

"Well...which one?" Mori curiously asked

.

Daewi's sleep eyes did something rare, they **WIDEN**. He got off his back in quite an impressive speed. He sat there, contemplating, like how he normally looked when he was trying to get a good grades in school. The only thing he really sucked at.

After a while of standing there sweating like a pig in an American slaughter house. It was quite the sight, the friend they always knew to have the most laziest and calmest look on his face, was shaken like a snitch finding out he's at a gangsters' reunion party. When the Rook of the team, who always kept his cool, had your back, and spits great advice is halted by a simple question. You start to repeat what you asked him in your head to see if you screwed up somewhere. Mira and Mori sorta feared his answer now. Mori's not even sure of what he asked him.

Mori swung his head, he now stared at Mira with his full attention.

"Did the words I wanted to ask come out my mouth in the form of the words I wanted to... _ask?_ "

Now Yu Mira was wondering what the hell he was asking...in the midst of confusion...

"Y...yes?" She said while moving her head in a sorta nodding and shaking her head gesture.

"Hold on guys." Daewi exclaimed, breaking out from his trance.

Daewi came to the hardest conclusion, to the HARDEST question in his life.

"I...don't know."

Yep, they definitely could have lived life happily without that answer. Daewi could feel the ' ** _WTF_** ' stares.

"I mean...they are always together when we go out. Even when I asked them out the first time." Daewi said, scratching the back of his head.

"You REALLY never though of it til now?" Mori asked surprisingly.

Daewi avoided Mori's gaze, and that in itself was a clear answer. Daewi's aura clearly read, 'don't judge me'.

"W-well...have you tried...trial and error?" Mira suggested, now fully standing up.

"Yes Mira, cause kissing one will lead to me finding out the right one and not getting dump. Oh wait, after I kissed the one, surely the other might understand." Daewi replied sarcastically.

Mira sat back down, trying hard not to contemplate hitting Daewi on the head with the back of her sword, considering how powerful it is, Mori might not have a house if she did that tho.

"Does this fall into the category of what they call 'two-timing'?" Mori asked Mira.

Before Mira could answer, Daewi interrupt, clenching his heart like he was dying.

"PLEASE STOP...I will figure out my problem by myself"

Both fighters stared at him blankly before turning towards each other.

"500 won says it's Heal."Mira, smirked at Mori.

"Hell naw, it's Sai. And I'll bet a 1000 on that." Mori shot back at Mira. His arms crossed with a goofy smile on his face.

"Hnnnnnggggg!" Han Daewi cries out as he clenched his heart before moving into the corner of the room

Both chuckled at the disdain of the Rook.

"Speaking of which, have you and Lee SooJin been going out?" Mira asked Mori, holding up her head with hand on her cheek.

The question through Mori off, his cheeks a bit red avoiding eye contact with Mira.

"Nah...just...been a crap ton of rematches with her...a lot...with her." Mori replied, scratching his cheek.

"Well why not?" Mira sat up straight again.

Mori gazed at Mira before staring up into space, unsure of whether he should continue or not, after a while his gazed shifted from the ceiling to the roof.

"Well the first reason being, I've only heard about dates, don't REALLY know what they are, I just got the gist of it, ya know"

Mira was puzzled, what did he mean by, the ' _gist_ '. She highly doubt he knew much, this guy has academic skills, but overall LACKS common sense skills. And doesn't even act his age sometimes.

"The ' _Gist_ '?"She asked.

Mori's vision was now directed at her. He took in a short breath before continuing.

"Yeah you know...two people hanging out, right?"

Mira was confused, but overall, he wasn't wrong, but he just lacks details. Then a clever joke popped into her head, but she wasn't gonna play the trick out yet.

"..Interesting, well how did you know what 'two-timing' was?"

"Girls at my school mention it A LOT when they get angry at a boy." Mori replied quickly.

"Okay well how 'bout the second reason?" She wondered if her idea would work, but if this leads where she thinks it would then she could trick the monkey boy successfully.

"Oh. Second being... Cause we're just...ya know...not exactly friends."

BANG...

...exactly what she wanted to hear. Now time for a little white lie.

"Well ' _not exactly friends_ ' can date.-"Mira said with a smile on her face, knowing exactly what she was doing to.

Daewi interrupted with a sneeze, poor boy is allergic to **bullshit** , and Mira was spreading a **LOT OF IT** right now with that one reply. Mira watched Daewi in the corner of her eye, she knew he'd **snuff** out her crap. But she knew he was just as much interested in seeing how a date between the two would turn out. Well you can't say he didn't SAY **ANYTHING** , he forced a sneeze, Mori just toooooooo~ stupid to pick that up. So no one can hold against him.

Still wanna hold it against him?

"Whoa-* _ **sneeze**_ *- _mmm_ , something has me on the trip today.* _ **sneeze**_ *What* _ **sneeze**_ *Mira* _ **sneeze**_ *Said* _ **sneeze**_ *is* _ **sneeze**_ *bulllshit* _ **sneeze**_ *she's* _ **sneeze**_ *tricking* _ **sneeze**_ *you* _ **sneeze**_ * * _ **sneeze**_ *. _Erm_..."

There you are, boy said it plain as day...

What?

He has a sniffle, how can he say it clearly, have mercy on poor Sleep Oppa~.

Heartless individuals...Anyways...

Mira could only hold in her laughter at Daewi's foolish attempts.

"Woah, Han Daewi, you need some allergy medicine? I have some." Jin Mori asked Daewi, clearly concerned about his friend.

"* ** _Loud Sniff_** * I'm...I'm good man, don't worry." Daewi replied with a smile on his face, glad at his friends kindness.

"Anyways Mira..."Mori turned back to Mira.

"...THEY CAN?! Erm... I mean...* _ **cough**_ *, they can?" The boy was clearly marveled, didn't know that's how relationships work.

Oh geez, Daewi's hints never reached the boy.

"* _ **sneeze**_ *Welp* _ **sneeze**_ *,they're* _ **sneeze**_ *back, * _ **sneeze**_ *Run* _ **sneeze**_ *Mori* _ **sneeze**_ *the* _ **sneeze**_ *girl* _ **sneeze**_ *is* _ **sneeze**_ *wicked!* _ **sneeze**_ *"

Mori looked at his 'sickly' friend.

"You should really get that checked out."

"Makutub..." After saying that Daewi raised his hand in a gesture that Mori shouldn't worry about him...instead he should really worry about himself, buuuuutttt there is no hand gesture for the second part, so Mori was on his own.

Mori lagged a bit before turning his attention back to the kendo girl sitting across from him.

"Anyways, a date would be a good idea...I'm telling you, it is a GREAT chance to get to know each other more."

"I'll do it, I'll ask her!" Mori yelled like he had just claimed **land ho**. Although, Daewi knows Jin Mori must be crazy to think he can claim that **Northern** **land** **ho** '.

"*sigh*, Times be a changing'." The sleepy oppa muttered to himself, his mind, grasping back at the peaceful times.

 **(TBC)**

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 **Author note: Always wanted to do a GOH/TGOH fanfic with Lee Soo-Jin and Jin Mo-Ri, maybe cause I thought the idea of two combat hard rivals falling for eachother but not knowing anything about love would be pretty fucking funny.~ Feedback wakawelcomed**


	2. C2:God of Meh encounters are meh

**God of Meh encounters are meh  
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 **Reviews:**

 **shadow 217: No prob. Glad I made you laugh, and I'm currently working on the next chapter. Stay tuned ;)  
**

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A day later, The Monkey King walked down the road to the super market on a bright and sunny Saturday morning. He'd knew someone there so he'd get a friend discount. Contemplating what Mira and him talked about yesterday.

"C-can...I really do it?"With a look of doubt, Jin paused for a moment.

"Of course I can~!" Back to that goofy shonen MC way, filled with nothing but positive thoughts about a less than positive girl...this poor son of a bitch.

"But the only problem is...how the hell do I find her?"

Now Jin Mori didn't even knew where Lee SooJin lived, most of the time, she just came out of no where and challenged him to rematches. She lost all the time tho. So he never got why she kept trying. Matter a fact, she always seems to find him, Seoul is a big fucking city, to run into him as much times as she did was strange.

"Uwwwaaa~ Stalker~?"The hairs on the lad's back stood up.

The thought was cold, he shouldn't think she'll stoop to that just to find him for rematches.

"Crazy...you are thinking crazy Jin Mori~."

Jin resumed his walk to the market.

* * *

When Jin came to the super market, _WaraMart_ , he recounted in his head exactly what he was here for.

"Milk, eggs, some apples-"

While walking to the entrance of the super market, Mori saw a familiar face inside counting change.

"Oh it's SooJin" Mori exclaimed.

Jin Mori saw her through the glass, she was at the counter paying for something. His heart raced a little, could be at the sight of her, or could be if she sees him, then they'd have to fight. She looked like she was sorta stuck, considering the long line behind her. Mori got all gusty, standing there gazing at her through the only thing stopping her from hearing the light chuckles he was giving off.

.

.

.

Fuck it, he didn't really care anymore and waved at her, he waved so much like an idiot, that she noticed him...everybody noticed him. His waving was fucking goofy.

Looking at his goofy ass, her cheeks gave a hint of red, but strangely, her eyes were full of determination. SooJin immediately rushed towards the boy, reaching outside and pulling him inside the market. She did it with such speed, you'd swear she wanted snu-snu.

"Uuuwwaaaa~? Why did you bring me in here so fast for-?"

Soojin stared at Mori with a look that told him to zip it. She then looked at the clerk who happened to be that one psycho fucker, Gwim Gi.

"He'll pay the rest." She said while pointing at the monkey boy.

Mori got the gist of it and wanted to NOPE so hard, it would crack his head, the internet, and the meme database.b Mori backed up away from the counter. Pulling SooJin with him. They were a good bit from peeling ears.

"Hell no, why would I pay for you..."Mori whispered to her.

"Dammit A-Ryu, can't you just do me this ONE favor, I'll pay you back, I promise. Say no and I'll kick your ass." Soojin whispered back.

Kick his ass? With what? The lesser ITF compared to his Renewal? Mori was cocky now. He stood up tall, scratching his nose and staring to the heavens.

"Oh 'kick my ass' with what, that ITF of yours? _Pppsttfffsssatt_ ~ # **RenewalFTW** - **EVRDA** -"

 ** _WHAM_!**

Right in the gut. So loud, the entire supermarket heard it. They all looked at Mori and Soojin as having a lovers quarrel. If he had been looking at her, he could have easily dodged it.

"C-c-c-cheap ss-s-shot...b-b-b-bitch." Mori muttered as he fell to the ground in pain. Gripping his gut in pain.

"Why do you hate my guts so much!? Just pay for my shit already!"

Yeah, cause he was the one doing the hating, look at his hating ass limping on the floor from a non-hateful gut wound, get yo' bitch ass up and pay for the girl that did not just hate on you right now.*sarcasm*

"The hell? Why do you hate my literal gut so much, to assault it so much!?...Not only that, you say you hate me all the time!"

She sucked her teeth and squatted to his level.

"Dammit. N-no I don't...shit...n-no...fuck! I hate you so much South Korea!"She said, gritting her teeth trying to hide her fluster.

Mori didn't even had to speak, the crazy just proved him right, he let out a wince of pain.

"Pay for it or I'll start crying. Show everybody in here that you like making girls cry. Besides, I already said I'll pay you back." She smirked with evil intent, she was so proud that she thought of that. She lifted he head to the heavens with pride, taking her eyes off the monkey boy.

Mori struggled to at least hold himself up, to no avail though. As he lied there, he turned his head to SooJin, seeing as how she was up in her own shit, Mori turned his attention to find the brightest thing that would catch his eye. After his eyes wandered for a bit. Just out of nowhere Mori saw it, looking up her short's leg sleeve. It was like staring at the sun or even MEDUSA.

"B-blue stripes?"He muttered to himself.

"Huh?" Soojin snapped out of her pride trance and looked at him rather puzzling

At the sound of her regaining from her 'bitch trip' he quickly turned his head the opposite direction of her before the Medusa turn him into stone.

Such dangerous info could get him tortured on the spot, she'd bring out her Charyoek haxs and give him all sorts of sickness and such. And being immortal means he'll live through such hellish pain. She'll put the **hurtin** ' so bad, he'll forget the image of her underwear in his head. And not the good type of 'hurtin'.

"F-f-fine...I'll help pay for it." Mori said.

The look on her face was sorta disappointed, she wanted to play around with him a little more, her cheeks a hint of red. Soojin sighed before standing up. Mori however was blushing fully, trying to stand up, but falling limp...no puns intended. Both staggered back to the counter...okay Mori staggered back, Soojin had reached the counter a whole two minutes before Jin.

"Gwim...*pant*...Gi...you heard the lady, I'll pay the rest."

The former psycho looked at both of them rather disappointingly. Then he remembered something Mira told him. Gwim Gi let out a rather loud 'kek' before clearing his throat.

"We sorta have this policy that only permits family or significant others to pay for a person. Crazy I know..." Gwim Gi announces to the two. Now you see, this was a bullshit lie. Because Mira told Gwim Gi that she was trying to get Lee Soojin and Jin Mori together on a little date. And that he shouldn't screw her plan up. But ol' Gwim just thought of a helpful way to get them a little more close.

Both looked at each other before both answered.

"We're family..."

Gwim Gi kek'd again.

"Yes, Monkey god and North Korean...try again~." Gi replied.

Shit, Both knew that they couldn't pull a brother/sister thing. Why'd they even try? But Lee Soojin came up with a 'bright' idea.

"H-He's..."

He face red like a stop light. She pulled Mori close and wrapped around his arm, Mori could feel her chest on his arm.

"...my...b-b-b-b-boyfriend~!" Her face looked as if she didn't know what she was doing, face bright red, eye twitching, and laughing uncontrollably.

Mori looked at this girl like they went to MC-Donalds and she just ordered something that **wasn't** on the dollar menu. His pimp hand felt strong, but her breast were stronger. Whatever she was buying must be absolutely DIVINE for her to hug on to the arm of the person she claims to hate so much .

Gwim Gi pause for a moment before letting out a loud, I mean LOUD flow of laughter, so loud, people in the supermarket got chills.

He then came to another insta-pause...

"That'll be 500,000 won please~"

Mori's eyes widen more than when he saw her panties a moment ago. He shot crazy look at Soojin, her eyes just avoided his gaze.

 ** _BITCH_** , is what any sane man in this situation would say...

However...

"Eh, and how much am I paying?"Mori asked while trying, inconspicuously, to shake SooJin from his arm.

"You'll be paying~...499,000 won~" Gwim said fairy like.

 ** _BI~~TCH~~~_** , is what any sane man in this situation would say...but instead Mori shot another crazy gaze at Soojin again. Like the moment before, she just looked away, pretending nothing was happening. Now he was shaking his arm rather rapidly, trying to free himself from evil's grasp. AGAIN, she just kept avoiding his gaze, only replying by pressing her breast more unto his arm.

Damn.

If that didn't feel good, Mori would have left the girl right here. Mori pulled out his wallet, pulling out the amount, money that was suppose to last him a solid 4 months.

"Would you like the change~" Gwim asked.

Mori shot a rabid gaze like he'd normally do a dog or cat, both animals he doesn't like. A stare that a mobster would normally give one of his men if they passed gas during a meeting. A look that said...' _You are a dead man_ '.

"I'll take that as a yes.~" Gwim Gi replied, his face, giddy school girl, his soul, he could feel nothing but terror.

"Oh and miss Lee SooJin, we'll bring your groceries outside~."

* * *

Now that Jin Mori thought about it, what did she buy? It wasn't on the counter? Considering he paid that much, did she by a laptop, or a limo, better be a satellite.

Both fighters waited outside, Lee SooJin was still attached to Jin Mor's arm tho. He didn't want to say anything, cause she sorta looked contempt. And plus...' **bewbs** '.

Finally Gwim Gi came around karting around two heavy boxes on a handcart.

Jin thought it might have been parts for a satellite-

"There you go~. Two years worth of chocolate for the lovely lady." Gwim stopped in front of the two.

 ** _BI~~TCH~~~ WHAT THE HELL_** , is what any sane man would say...but instead, Mori shot a crazy gaze a Soojin who AGAIN only avoided eye contact and detached from his arm. Women were truly strange creatures...

The boxes were quite heavy for Gwim Gi to lift tho. Soojin picked both of them up with ease thou. Mori took both boxes from her.

She shot at him with a questioning gaze.

"I shouldn't let the 'lady' carry the load." Mori said, looking away from her gaze now. Guess he knew it couldn't be helped.

She seemed bothered by it at first, but remembered who was only a couple feet away.

Gwim Gi watched as both fighters walked away. He giggled like a village idiot as he could see the future, a couple like them. Heh.

Taking their dear sweet time walking down the street. People looking and pointing at the two. Calling it 'sweet' or 'warm', calling them 'lovers' and 'mushy'. Hell, a very strange gay man yelled that he was being oppressed because of them, he followed them for about a mile and a half, calling them names, telling them they are 'flaunting' their straightness, before finally giving up and gone home...or to bother someone else, I'm sure his gay lover would be disappointed in his actions today. Once they were a good bit from public eye, Soojin swung in front of Mori.

"Give me my boxes you bastard..."

" _I shouldn't let the 'lady' carry the load._ " She repeated mockingly.

"Clever shit-"She said smilingly only to be interrupted.

"Hey you wanna hang out sometime?"His face was serous. Tired, but stern, straight to the point.

They both stood there for a while. But then.

 ** _WHAM!_**

Right in the face. Her fist was serous. Tired, but stern, straight to the point. In all jokingly. Brotha got it to the shits, almost tumbling down. And like typical tsunderes, she starts yelling at him, face red as an apple.

"W-why would I go on a d-d-d-date with an ass like you!? I'd...I'd rather die! Stupid ass! Jackass! You even put up that bishie face! F-"

"I never said it was a _date_...you don't get it do you?" His voice was rough, edgy, serious. He was gonna ask her out, even if it killed him...God forbid if it kills him. His manly soul poured out, she could feel his aura.

She was shocked at his sternness, his determination. Then again, this shouldn't come as a surprised. Not the first time she felt this...this energy.

"What...what is it exactly that I don't get?" Lee Soojin asked, backing away slowly as the Monkey lad straighten his posture.

Mori stood tall, he could see Soojin eagerly awaited his reply. She finally had it.

"T-Tell me dam-!"

"The unification of the North and South...!"Jin Mori exclaimed with great pride...and pain.

Lee SooJin paused, almost like Mori froze time. Mori looked at the statue woman. Thinking he'd screwed up somewhere. He quickly tried to fix the situation.

"M-Maybe if I say it again, it'll un-pause her...?"

Mori repeated what he said...

"The unification of the North and South." In the MOST under insuring, unmotivated, uninspiring way possible.

.

.

.

Didn't work.

"Damn..."

Mori made his way beside her, poking her head. His eyes were focused for any sudden movements. His pokes sped up.

"S-stop it...dumbass."She muttered.

Still poking.

"St...stop.."

Poke,poke~

"Fucking stop poking my head!"

She startled the young lad...boy jumped back a few feet.

"W-woah, you're back?"Mori raised his guard.

"When..."She muttered.

Jin's stance loosened.

"Huh?"Jin stood back like a bomb was going off his arms were doing the opposite tho, they were slowly dropping. Lee SooJin's stance stiffen, she stood up straight. And odd silence befell them. SooJin's head swung to his direction.

"When is it?!"

Monkey's eye's were lazy.

"When's what?"

Soojin got all pout faced.

"Ya know... ** _THAT_**..."

.

.

.

"I do?"

Soojin picked up a random awkwardly large stone from the corner of the street.

"YES YES, I DO KNOW!"

Now Jin was thrown WAAAAAAAAYYY off. But he felt like she'd hit him with the rock if he hesitated.

"Maybe tomorrow at...6:00."He said with a cracking voice.

She nodded her head quickly, swore she was gonna snap it. Her eyes then avoided contact with his.

"Just... two people hang out, r-right? N-not a ...d-date or anything like that?"

Jin Mori didn't want to seem unprofessional. Nor let her know he had to ask Yu Mira about what a date was, that's why he just asked her to hang out.

"Y-yeah."

Smooth.

"Lee SooJin...where...will I pick you up?"

"E-eh? O-oh, ya know...ah..."

Soojin looked around and saw a bus stop bench, when night roles along, the bench was always lit gloomily. It was sorta calming to her.

"O-over there." Soojin pointed at the bus stop.

Mori looked at it in awe, he didn't know what was so special about it, BUT, since they both knew where it was, it's alright.

"Well...see ya til then..." Mori said scratching his head.

"Y-yeah..."

Both turned around and walk their respective paths home.

 **(TBC)**

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 **Author note: Sorry I kept ya waiting, an entire week without sleep.~ Feedback wakawelcome**


	3. C3:God of Prep and Landing Pt1(Mori)

**God of Prep and Landing, Jin Mori's side(Part 1)~**

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When Jin Mori had reached home, he stared at the dark emptiness of the one room living falsity. Only lit by moonlight shining through the a window.

Placing a futon down in the center of the room, he pressed his body against it slow, easing on it. He was face up, lying on his back. Staring through the moonlight, up at the ceiling. Jin couldn't help but remember.

"Unification..." Jin said "...of North and South eh?"

Turning on his side. Jin Mori pulled out his phone. The light from it wasn't as soft as moonlight, it was rather him to pull it away from his face. Once he got adjusted to the light. Mori began to scroll through his phone. Looking at numbers, he noticed something.

"I should ask for her number next time..."

The light went dim. Putting his phone down, he stared at it's jet black colored surface before shifting himself again, lying on his back.

"If she has a phone..."

.

.

.

"Not a ' _date'_...eh?"

Lost in that thought, sleepiness crept up on the lad. Before he could even know it. He had fallen asleep with that one thought on his mind. It wasn't a _date_...right?

But then.

.

.

.

He remembered. Bursting up from his sleep.

" **AWH** SHIT, I FORGOT THE MILK, EGGS AND APPLES! Fucking hell I DON'T EVEN HAVE MONEY TO BUY EM! "

* * *

The next day, Mori had called up Han Daewi, to accompany him to visit a **certain** _someone_. They walked to the destination, Mori was ahead of Daewi, clearly he was in a hurry. Sleep Oppa however...wasn't.

Walking there, Daewi couldn't help but wonder, "Is there an reason I have to tag along?"

"Because..." Mori slowed down his pace to match up with Han's, "Ilpyo is to nice, and Seungchul just dresses in a track suit, so he's the last I'll even think of asking. You however, have a VERY leveled head."

Daewi knew Mori was right...BUUT~, he tried to step out of character for a moment

"I heard **tracksuits** are ALL the rage." Daewi said jokingly.

Mori halted, causing Daewi to stop also. The monkey lad turned toward his friend with a rather crazy look.

"Are you trying to crack a joke...don't try to crack a joke...it's not funny...JUST STOP.

Dayum, what's eating him? You wanna complain what Daewi did was out of character, naw, what Mori just did, that dude just snapped at Daewi. The sleepy oppa raised his hands in a gesture, telling Jin to calm down. "S-Sorry, jeez."

Although, it wasn't as bad as Mori made it sound...just the wrong time. Can't blame him, first dates are really fucking rough.

"You called him before hand right?"

"Eh-yep."

"So the _devil_ is expecting us..."

Mori just nodded.

* * *

A while later that day. Having made it to their destination, the boys sat out in the hall, Mori tapped his foot at a rapid pace eagerly waiting for them to be called in. They were waiting outside the office of the devil himself.

That devil, **BAK** Mu **BONG** -!

" **PARK** Mu **JIN** , fuck, not that hard to remember!" A loud voice came from behind the office door.

Daewi turned towards Mori "I wonder who's he yelling at..."

"The story writer." Mori said rather bleakly, nervous and eager as hell.

"W-w-wait...W-what?"

Before Mori could tread further into the 4th dimension. A woman stepped out of the room.

Her hair was messy, her clothes were wrinkled, not even buttoned right. Stockings were ripped and the back of her shirt was clawed at. She turned her head toward the boys. She looked rather surprised, like she didn't think it would be them, the ones waiting outside the room.

Daewi spoke. "Huh, oh, Good morning Judge P..."

"It's morning already?" She checked her wrist watch.

Contemplating the thought, a smirk drew across her face as she stared at the watch. Her face was slightly red. Snapping out of her excitement, she remembered the minors standing less than a couple feet away from her.

"O-...oh, the Senator will see you now."Upon stating this, she turned around and ...staggered away? She had this sorta limb to her walk, like she has been sitting for to long. Daewi usual felt like that after doing an exceedingly high amount of squats. Coming to that realization, Han Daewi knew exactly what she was doing in that office. Getting them ' _ankles knocked_ '.

Mori sighed "How unprofessional of her..."

Daewi followed, "Yeah... Tell me 'bout it." sweat dripped from his forehead.

Mori followed up "She knows she shouldn't sleep on the job, I keep telling people, 10 hours is THEE according and fulfilling amount of time when it comes to sleeping."

And just like that, Han knew they weren't on the same page.

"L...lets just go inside already..."

Heading inside the office, they saw Mujin, his hair unkept, not wearing his dress shirt, wiping his face. Han Daewi must be the only one noticing the musky, sweat filled air. Oh fuck me, it was stifling.

Jin Mori spoke first "Good morning."

"Ain't it great~"Mujin chuckled as he sat on his office chair, leaning back, now by the looks of it, his pants was put on in a hurry.

Daewi couldn't handle it anymore "You sick bastard..."

"Thank you~" Mujin was delighted at the 'complement'. Daewi sighed, passing Mori who was in front of him.

"What time did you even start?"

Mujin lagged in answering, gathering from his memories.

"Around 8 I think. Why?"

Daewi was almost dumbfounded. _Why_? BECAUSE IT WAS ALREADY 3.

"Before everyone is up, you are just the cunning of snakes..."

Mujin giggles at the thought, then again, not much men can keep it up for that long.

"Can you even walk right now?" Han asked.

"NOPE, lower half is completely unresponsive." Mujin said that rather playfully, like it was something he was proud of. And he kinda should.

Han Daewi regain his composer. "VERY~ unprofessional, of you BOTH, shame on you right now, at least...why at work?"

Mujin had his hand on his desk, taping his fingers. His other hand stroking his chin...and ego.

He finally answered "Hey...when someone asks for something nicely, I give it to them, kinda like how I'm about to do with you right now."

' _I'm about to do with you right now_ 'Yeah-NO. This guy needs better wording-

"No homo...and no pedo."

Much better.

Daewi facepalmed, and corrected the devil. " **I'm** not the one asking for help..."

"Hm? Well who is it? Bring him in."

Han points towards Jin Mori, who has FINALLY returned to his position as the main character. Dammit Goku, get off Namek already.

"Monkey bastard over there?!" Mujin's face was in disbelief. "This little fucker got a date?!"

"I-it isn't a ' _date'_...it's ' _hanging out'_ , say it with me, ' _hanging out~'_! " Mori over here getting himself worked up. Daewi and Mujin just looked at eachother, then back at the monkey lad.

"This guy needs your help to look , and I quote, 'like a motha fucka' for his... Uh 'hanging out' or whatever. So pick your lower half up, this is apparently a state of panic." Daewi slammed his hands on desk before, pulling his hands off in disgust cause...yeah, he remembered that desk was just in use a couple minutes ago.

Mujin smiled."That's right~"breaking the 4th wall causally.

"* _sigh_ *For Christ sake." Wiping his hands on the back of his pants.

Staring at them both, Mori recalled an important detail from a while ago.

"Don't 'or _whatever_ ' me, IT IS AN IMPORTANT CONTEXT."

Mujin chuckled.

"Well you came to the right place, when it comes to dressing like a, and I quote,'motha fucka'..."

"Lets head over to the wardrobe."Since Mujin was stripped of lower mobility, he used his office chair, Grabbing on to anything he can to pull himself forward.

"Eh. Do you need us to...you know...push you, maybe?" Daewi offered.

"Nah...I"m good" .Mujin had manage to guild his chair to the front of his wardrobe With Mori and Daewi following behind...okay they made it there before him, BUT the point is, they were there.

"Are you ready to go to **Narnia** boys? It's like **Magical** ~" Mujin exclaimed grabbing both of the wardrobe door nobs.

Mori yelled with excitement! "Y-yes!"

Daewi...failing to see why it was taking so long just to get a damn shirt outta this _rather small for his ego_ wardrobe, brotha just wanted some hand sanitizer, cause that desk felt PRETTY sticky. "Uh, I don't suppose you have some soa-"

"AWAY WE GO~!" Pulling open the doors to the wardrobe, what was inside wasn't exactly in fact a _wardrobe_ but a room! Like a closet!

"Whoa...what the hell?" Daewi poked his head inside wondering how the hell could he just hide a room half as big as the GOH stadium behind a wall...or was it REALLY magical? Daewi was tempted to pull the wardrobe away from the wall just to see if this was some sorta portal to another dimension inside a freaken' wardrobe.

"AWAY~ Wowwy~!" Mori stared in _dumbfoundedness_ , if that is even a word.

Both boys stepped right in, with Mujin following right behind.

"The happiest place on Earth~."

Han Daewi turned his head towards Mujin to comment on his statement.

"You might get a copyright strike for that." Daewi added.

Jin Mori, standing beside Daewi, expressed his thought on the matter.

"Hey, at least this isn't Euro Disney back in the 90s." Mori said.

Daewi shrugged his shoulders.

"Yeah, they ain't gonna like you saying that either." Daewi replied.

All three of them shrugged off copyright like it was nothing. Damn bastards, they aren't writing the story. Mujin and Mori then realized something. "Wait...you know about the 4th wall?!" both asked surprised at Daewi.

"The knowledge goes in and out."

Mujin snickered."Kind like my -"

Daewi knew where that was headed. "NO, n-no...just don't."

Mujin looked at Daewi in shock."I-I was gonna my new **switch razor blade** I carry around. Stop being nasty. Youngster now-a-days, I swear."

"Yeah Daewi, get it out the gutter."Mori added.

Now he felt like he was getting shit for no reason. "F-fine whatever...sorry for the assumptions."

"Cause everyone knows my dick don't slide in and out that gutter so easily~." Jin Mori high-fives Park Mujin.

 **Dat setup doe**. Daewi knew when he'd been beat. He accepted his lost like a man.

"Well Jin Mori, pick out an outfit."

"And don't go touch them all up, it was a bitch to wash and iron em all." Mujin added, trying to get his office chair in the wardrobe, but couldn't because the wardrobe entrance was to high and didn't have a ramp.

"Damn my neglect of the disabled...if I get pass this, I'll install ramps for every school, every library, every public place. I'll do it for them, for our brothers who can not walk."

Ignoring Mu-Bong's ...'speech' we return to our heroes. More specifically, Jin Mori, who was like a kid in a candy shop...or rather a monkey in a supermarket. He was just amazed at all the selective clothing he could choose from.

Daewi tailed behind the little monkey lad, taking his time while Mori ran back and forth. A thought came into Daewi's head.

"Mori lemme ask you something..."

Mori slowed down his pace of rubbing his little monkey hands on everything.

"Why did you highfive him when he made that joke?"

"I was taught to never leave a bro hanging...plus he paid me 5000 won."

"Y-yeah...wash your hands..."

"Why?"

MuJin had finally gave up trying to bring the office chair into the closet, instead choosing to return to every man's roots and CRAWL inside.

"Screw the the disabled, wanting ramps and all other stuff, crippled bastards act like they can't walk."

Mujin finally caught up with the boys.

"Boys, there is something about life you MUST understand..."

Daewi KNEW THIA wasn't gonna be good."Don't wanna hea-"

"Tell us please!" But Mori clearly wanted to know what was at the end of the rainbow. Certainly not Lucky Charms.

Mujin crawl to the duo, he took short breathe, clearly exhausted from the journey...that or his previous _activity_.

"Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them..." What's this? Wise words from the Senator?

.

.

.

Daewi felt something awkward and HARD about that little 'advice'."Are we talking about your dick size...?" He was almost afraid to ask cause his voice cracked up with discomfort halfway through..

"I'm not saying, we are not...but I'm not gonna say we are...not NOT..."

Daewi turned toward Jin Mori.

"PLEASE find a FUCKING outfit...I beg of you, nothing worse than a proud stoner."

"Stoner? Heh, yeah they would've stone me if I had lived in that area."

Han Daewi just looked at Mori with an intense stare of uncomfortableness.

"F-fine I'll hurry up."

 **(TBC)**

* * *

 **Author note: Sorry I kept ya waiting, Yep, this story makes _those_ jokes, sorry for the OOC. I just turned Mujin into Barney Stinson from _How I Met Your Mother_ xD.~ Feedback wakawelcome**


	4. C4:God of Prep and Landing Pt2(Mori)

**God of Prep and Landing, Jin Mori's side(Part 2)~**

* * *

Jin Mori had **FINALLY** picked out something to wear. After 175 tries. He had picked a dress shirt. It was a dark almost black shirt with abstract blue and aqua flower patterns engraved on it. He wore a faded yellow t-shirt with a greenish dragon patterns on it. His pants, black jeans that fit perfectly.

"Sooooo...how does it look?"

Park Mujin crawled forward, "Well I think-"

Jin interrupted. "No not you, Daewi."

The fuck? Mujin could not believe Mori just brushed him off like that...after all he's doing. That was rude, offensive, youngsters now a days, the nerve.

Han Daewi stared at Mori before answering."I think...it looks sorta tack-"

"I think you look super badass!" Mujin blasted out his mouth over Daewi's.

Mori stare at Daewi blankly, before turning away towards Park Mujin. "Not you Daewi, I was asking _Mega Stud Uncle Mujin_."

No.

This .

Mofo.

Didn't.

He just flip flopped his **BEST FRIEND** , for a guy who only recently got some ass. Wasn't the whole point of him coming along was to give his opinion?

The fuck?

The nerve of Monkey Gods.

Daewi stepped forward "Mujin, the shirt looks bit tacky."

Mujin leaned up against a rack. "I think it looks _Supa Fire Burning_ "

Supa Fire what in the fuck?

What the hell?! What type of new meme-ish ...THING was that?

"Yeah Daewi, I look _Supa Hire Earning_ -"

"*cough* _Supa Fire Burning_ *cough*" Mujin corrected him.

"Supa Fire Burning!" Mori continued.

Daewi couldn't believe he knew these idiots, or was Mori that desperate. Finally he got tired of the two wankers. Daewi took a deep breathing before speaking

"Mori you should think for yourself."

Mujin manage to stand thanks to the help of the clothes rack. "Oh hush now boy. Excuse me...which one of us is still a virgin? And we know Mori wants that _Poo-tang._ "

"Y-yeah, I want that po-nani." Mori nervously spoke.

Daewi knew this fool didn't even know what ANY of those meant. But that virginity attack tho. Right in the kokoro. Daewi's children will feel that...if he ever has any. But just then. A sudden jab met his mind.

"Well...which one of us was almost a 40 year old virgin?" Oh yes, the right comeback.

Mujin fell to the floor, losing what was left of his entire balance from his _humpathon_ a while ago. Daewi finally took care of the wall, time to eat the human's inside... _SNK/AOT 4ever_...

*clears throat*

Daewi placed his hands on Mori's shoulders. He looked the lad firmly into his star shaped pupils...then

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **SUPRISE BUTT SEX~11!1!1!11!** _Jkjkjkjk_ , **no** yaoi for you, naughty birdy. Not yet~ **Papa Franku** wants to string you along by ya pewps a lil while longer.

 _Mujin: "That's seriously fucked up..."_

Yeah well you're pretty fucking disgusting...aren't you suppose to be wallowing after that manhood attack?

Anyways...

Daewi placed his hands on Mori's shoulders. He looked the lad firmly into his star shaped pupils, you'd swear it was yaoi...then he asked. "Mori...what's _your_ family motto?"

It hit Mori like bare backing. Yes...I just made that joke...I am only 10% sorry.

"D-do...what you want."

That startling memory left his mind gaping...yes, I made that joke also. I'm regretting it tho...

"So what do **YOU** want...Jin Mori?"

Daewi said it on a way like some type of freaky foreplay. Okay I'm all out...for now. The guilt is trippin'.

"D-dat Poo-tang nasty-"

Daewi gave Mori a light smack to the face. "Something you actually know about. IE, non long term."

"I want to look good for my da-...'hanging out'."

A smile drew across the lazy oppa's face.

"Than if that's the clothes you're wearing, I recommend you wear these." Daewi pulled out something from his pocket. It was a pair of glasses.

Handing them to the confused monkey lad. Then it finally came into realization. "These..are just for show!? "

"Yep, for some reason, I have a feeling they'd make your now tacky clothes look less tacky."Daewi scratched the back of his head. "Don't ask why i have it."

" _Han_ _ **Daewi**_ _es Ex Machina_ "Mori called him that affectionately(no homo), it was a nice nickname. He was a real helpful guy.

"Yeeeaaahhh-don't call me that."Daewi dropped it cold.

"O-...okay then. S-sorry."

* * *

Mujin had FINALLY manage to stand on his own. He held a limp tho. "So, Jin Mori...what's your ' _battle plan'_?"

"B-battle plan!?"That startled the lad a bit.

Daewi continued from what Mujin had asked."Yeah, you know, what are you planing to do on your...d-...'hanging out'?"

Putting the clothes in a bag. Mori scratched his head in confusion, he didn't plan this far ahead. He wasn't even expecting to get the clothes alive...for some reason. Entertaining the train of thought It finally came to him, he had an idea.

"Eh,w-well...she doesn't know Seoul that well...so I guess I'll show her a-around."

Mujin stared at the monkey lad feeling something amiss.

"Huh? So is she a foreigner?"

Woah, now that startled Han Daewi and Jin Mori. They forgot to tell him who exactly this girl was. for her sake they should leave it like that. But since this is my story and I love wringing these guys through awkward situations. Fuck it all.

"H-huh?"Mori stepped back, looking towards Daewi as if he were looking for help.

"Oh,..." Daewi face palmed. "...shit, you didn't tell him?"

Mujin stared confused. His gaze shifting between the two, like a child who was tagged as it in a game. Desperately yet patient for who'd answer.

"So...you gonna tell me about this girl...ya know...what she likes to eat...what's her measurements...what's her hobbies...OH and what's her measurements?"

Both lads stared at each other. Mujin just stood there, limp. They both didn't feel like answering, but Daewi couldn't leave it so.

"It's Lee Soo-Jin, Mori asked out."

Mujin almost fell back to the floor, AGAIN. He flopped like he was having a stroke. Shit was so funny, I'd put it on instant reply...but this is just words. Picking himself up, he leaned on the nearest clothes rack.

"You psycho lil monkey, you like it crazy. Heh."

Regaining his posture, Mujin attempted to appear as if he hadn't been fazed. It was an overall awkward sight. Like when somebody farts at the table and they try to pretend no one heard it and that the smell will go away. You know what I'm talking about.

"S-so...since I now know who it is...and since you are both inexperienc-"

Daewi cleared his throat, halting Mujin's possible long ass train of speak

"I have a girlfriend. I'll teach Mori just fine."

"Oh is that so~? Then which one of the nurses are you dating"

Damn...brotha having a bad set. Daewi retreated to the corner of the room as if he was a child sent on time-out. Mujin chuckled evilly as he approached Jin Mori.

"You and me gotta a little revising we gotta do to that battle plan."

"B-but, I should do what I want."

"BUT...what you want isn't always what the GIRL wants. You plan is fine for you, but what about her?"

Mori knew that, _was almost gonna be a 40 year old virgin,_ was indeed correct. Daewi was to shaken himself to help our young hero. But he knew if Mori listen to Mujin, he was gonna stay without women for the rest of his life...unless she was thirsty like that.

"And it'll only take,... **5 MINUTES.** " WHAT, JUST FIVE, NOT ENOUGH TIME! A bold claim by Mujin. Five minutes in Namekian time is about 25 episodes, this bastard. Hell no I'm not letting it go on **THAT** long. What woes await our young hero, find out on the next episode of Dragon Bal-...wait...shit...wrong...fuck.

* * *

 **(TBC)**

 **To Be Continued...**

* * *

 **Author note: Made it up to 3 favs! YAY~~~!**

 **Sorry I kept ya waiting EXTREMELY LONG and sorry for the short chapter. Not really much I could've done with this chapter, sorry for the OOC.~ Feedback always wakawelcome**


	5. C5:God of Feminine Trials Pt1(Soojin)

**God of Feminine Trials** **, LeeSoojin's side(Part 1)~**

* * *

 **~Coments~**

 ** _meliodas340: Thank you again bruh, funny is my middle name...no it's not._**

 ** _Forbiddentofly: Haha, thank you new comer. More to cum...yes I made that joke...kill me._**

* * *

Lee Soojin sat there in the middle of the room in front a table. Gang Mansuk was over by a crockpot preparing there lunch. Her fidgety quietness was detracting. It's almost as if she wanted to say something but was to embarrassed and nervous to ask. Her eyes were clearly staring into another realm of reality. Her imagination wandering.

Mansuk broke the dense air.

"Master-"

He startled her. "HUH, WHAT?! NO!"

He just stared at her.

"Is something wrong?"

Her reaction was flustered, like a 13 year old boy kid caught in the act. No I'm not making a jab at her voice...dress style...overall appearance.

"N-NO!? Y-YES?! DUMBASS!" Her eyes blinked 100 _blm(blinks pre minute)_. Her palms were sweaty.

' _Dumbass_ '? How profound, truly the art of tsundere. Gang Mansuk decided it wasn't important enough to thread into. That and he didn't want to get hit.

Mansuk stood up, walking towards a cabinet. Pulling out two bowls.

"H-hey...lemme ask you something dumbass."

' _Dumbass_ ' was NOT needed at all, but you try to tell her that, get one to the shits.

"Y-yeah...what is it Master?" He didn't turn to look at her, remaining still, only waiting a minute before turning around to face the table at the middle of the room. Mansuk proceeded to walk towards the location.

"Wh-wh-what do you know about ' _dating_ '?"

Mansuk nearly lost all his color. He winced and wheezed. Losing his footing, he almost drop the bows.

"W-why would you w-wanna k-know that?" He asked almost frantically.

"O-oh...C-c-cause...J-JUST C-C-CAUSE." Her eyes were looking for a train. she was on the defensive.

Managing to regain composer. Mansuk walked over, placing the bowls down on the table.

"I think it's about time we have _'_ that talk'"

 _ **WHAM!**_

Right in the nose.

"Don't screw with me Dumbass!"

Wait what?

"You always pulling this crap!"

Huh?

"Can you not judge me!?"

Whoa this bitch is cray cray, he ain't never did that.

"Yes...ma'am."

What are you apologizing for!?

"Asking you is useless, go die in a hole somewhere!"

Well fuck...

And just like that, she stormed off. Out the door, didn't even close it. How did this conversation even play out in her head, beyond him. She just left poor Mansuk there with a bloody nose."But...I worked really hard on lunch..."

* * *

Furiously, Lee SooJin marched down the street. Why? PMS'ing...yeah I made that joke.

"W-wait...SHIT I SHOULD'VE ASKED HIM WHAT BOY'S LIKE! GWAH~ I"M SO STUPID!"

Well I could tell you that. Lets take a visit to my sensei Papa Franku in the Nairobi Desert ...

"Nah, h-he'd probably tell me something perverted."

W-well I'd think you'd have a much more open mind, but whatevs'.

"I need to fined someone(a girl) who knows about this certain stuff."

She instantly thought of Ma Bora, but she's an hobo bimbo(ha rhyme~). She'd rather die than take advice from her.

Generic glasses wearing kendo brod(Yu Mira)? Hell no, she is scary.

Shit.

This wasn't easy, the most pretty girl she knew...

Damn.

.

.

.

Wait, she knew exactly who to ask for help! They were pretty, sexy, and overall had good charm. She can ask the Nurses! They have men practically getting themselves injured just to have a reason to go into their clinic. Whoa wait, really? Get themselves injured? I understand dem legs tho, but...to purposely break your's? Fuck. I-I don't know. Maybe?

Anyways.

Soojin knew the location of their clinic cause she had a sprain once...and Jin Mori took her...there...well fuck. She gotta show that boy something nice and handy sometime...not the first dirty thing on your mind tho.

Soojin was waiting in line at the Nurses' clinic...a big line...like...a BIG line.

"What the hell are all these men-"

Dumb question North Korean. Don't you know Sausage and Drumsticks go together. I'm on fire today, dayum.

"If all these men are here for THAT. Then this is the correct choice to increase my _La'Feminine Power_ for my d-' _hanging out_ '."

It was all hopeful in her eyes, but the only problem was the line of horny fuckers who just want to see some legs and cleavage...and maybe a panty shot...highly unlikely tho.

Lee Soojin gazed at the line of harden sausages. Some look old as hell, some married, some fat, some young and horny...most, all and horny.

It was a sight to behold, THE LINE WAS ALL THE WAY TO THE **FREAKEN** ' SIDEWALK.

She felt like kicking and sending these guys flying...but...you just can't do that.

Coming back later was not an option, she need to grind those _La'Feminine Power levels_.

It then came to her. The only way to pass was to play dirty. Just not to dirty.

Analyzing the men that prevented her from her goal. She didn't know much about people. But from what's she'd seen on tv. She'd know enough about day time dramas, that Gang Mansuk watches, to know a few things.

* * *

Her first opponent was a guy in his late 30s, looks like he's been a virgin his entire life, he was real fidgety, looks like he might be a molester or something. Real creeper type.

Although Suujin's train of thought was radically different from my own. Her's was just that this guy came to see pretty girls, so maybe she should just show him something that a pretty girl would normally show off.

"Hey Dongmu-oh I ,mean...Asuji- I mean, Seonsaeng ..."

He turned around like he was caught in the act, looking left and right for the po-po.

"W-w-what?!"

Soojin felt nervous, but she has to do this, for her _'hang out'_.

"If I show you my bra strap will you go be creepy somewhere else?"

He stared at her, the honesty of the girl was surely surprising. He gusta'd.

"You are the tomboyish tsundere type who probably knows nothing about being girly except for underwear. You got a stern moe' look about you...but your cup size looks decent..."

Damn this lonely bastard was spot on. Like a true virgin. Vast in this pathetic being's deductive skills.

Soojin just stood there and took his words. She awaited his fated decision.

"...depends on the color..."

Soojin had him. Shameful, yes. But what would you do for-...

hold up...

she ain't got no 4th wall awareness right?

Good...

 **what would you do for lOvE~!11!**

Lol, yeah, this is the shits-

I'd hate to lose to South Korea, I can't chicken out yet.

Oh...that's her reasons...well fuck I like mine better.

Anyways...

"Do you want me tell you the color or do you wanna keep it a surprise?"

Whoa. Sounds like she was a prostitute or something...

not...*looks left*

that I'd know...*looks right*

God this was getting more and more awkward to write. I wanna go back to wring Jin through hell.

* * *

 **Somewhere the fuck know's not**

Jin Mori: H-hey! I'm currently in a training arc.

Yeah, I know...

* * *

Soojin hesitated. She thought of her late mother.

Fuck, she couldn't keep wasting time!

Pulling down the shoulder of her shirt, she exposed her bra strap.

The light blue color was gentle on the eyes. The patterns were woven small but simple, flowers, it smelled like flowers, such fresh picked. Like walking into a garden after being in the house all day. The burst of fragrance that tickled the nose. The overall look of the strap was complementing the soft milky color of her skin. The well toned shoulder muscle was still showed her strength, but did not hinder the femininity of the easy light blue color of exotic looking fabric she wore under her shirt.

It was a virgin's first sun rise...FUCK I just went full balls deep retard...

Got me sounding like a Mormon virgin. And...heh, you know Papa Wakau(Wack You) gets all dat mad poo-tang bang.

And it it scrump~DIDILY~UMP~~~tious.

*cough*

Anyways...what were we doing...?

.

.

.

hold up...

.

.

.

Ah, okay then.

Anyways.

The 30 year old cancerous cringe gets an overdose of...a fucking bra strap, I mean like, I live in LA right...if a bra strap turns you on, you gonna like it here, cause these girls love not giving a shit about bra straps, cause...yeah.

Enough on that, the weirdo gives Soojin her well earned place, cause this girl, I shit you not, was embarrassed to the point of tears.

Yep...heh if he had seen the whole thing, he'd have to marry her.

Okay, I better stop screwing around.

She had won her place, but lost her will. A thought of doubt flew into her head, that she might be to ashamed to even face Jin Mori after this, that she'd no longer be a 'proper' woman before he has the time to see her as one.

Could these bullshit thoughts be love? Something in my oversize brain tells me it's her wanting to show off something he never even brought up.

Wait...Hold up...

Was there a certain timeframe where they talked before all this, I mean, they woke up at 8...and it's like 2...so what if...

Fuck it, I'll add an inbetweenity~

Fuck you guys, plotholes IDC about!~

Wait... Do you guys need a lil bit of lube of somethi-

* * *

 **12:00 PM, Early this day**

*ring*

Jin Mori picks up his home phone after waking up from his 10 hours of sleep.

"Y-yeah~ who the he-*cough*I mean...Jin residence speaking~."

Mori could only hear creepy rape-ish heavy, yet quiet, muffled breathing.

"I-I-I told you, I sent the m-money now S-STOP calling m-me."

Mori slammed the phone down. Guess it must have been the loan sharks, long debt after Mori Hui made his fucking room look like Barbie shit.

* * *

 **12:10 PM Nearly 10 fucking minutes later, wtf.**

A little while later, the phone rang once more. Living there, of course Jin picked it up

.

" _Hello_ ~ don't you know this fucking number is on the ' _No call list_ ' state your shit quick bruh _ ***cough***_ I mean...Jin residence speaking~. Who is this?"

Creepy fucking breathing again. This time with a little whimpering. Mori was dumbfounded, and somewhat offended.

"Is this the telemarketer? If so, Mr. Mori jin isn't here, I just said I was him to be polite...and I sound like him c-cause...ya know what...this is an automated call, yeah, leave your message at the beep..."

Mori waited a while.

"BEEP!" Hung up the phone.

"Talkative people today..." Mori mutter.

* * *

 **12:19 PM Exactly 9 minutes later, this sob persistent**

While brushing his teeth, the phone rang AGAIN?

"Wait? AGAIN?-"

*rings*

Jin rushed to the phone, leaving us why he even bothers when he can let it ring?

"C-c-cause that j-just isn't...p-polite! Ya know?!"

Mm~hmmph~. Whatever you say. Jin Mori answered the phone. But it wasn't like the other times he did, this was different. What do I mean, well...he pretended not to be...himself.

"Hello, this is the living quarters of Mr. Mori Jin, Monkey King by day...and...still the Monkey King even by night. Anyways this is his house keeper Rosie'~. He no come to the phone right now. _Hola perra, puedo ayudarle_ ~ Can I help you?"

Yep that's right folks, Mori was pulling the old, Granny Mexican Maid trick.

The same creepy breathing...and whimpering was the only thing _Rrrrr~osie_ ' heard over the line.

But then.

"H-hello..."

That voice? It's _bae_ -*cough* I mean, Lee Soojin!

"...I was calling to...discuss something with South Ko-I mean-Jin...Mori, b-b-b-but if he's not there then-... -"

"Not _'Rosi **EE**_ '...it's pronounced ' _Rosi **EH**_ '...g-...gotta let it sit on the tip of ya tongue." Yes, this mother fucker chose now of all times to correct someone on naming.

"O-oh, sorry. But EH ...what can you tell me about...J-...Jin Mori? U-u-uh-uh! I-I-I-I MEAN B-B-BOYS IN GENERAL! Not just Mori, I just thought I should get a little info on what he like-! Fuck, that sounded creep didn't it?! I really did meant boys, n-not just South Korea-I mean-The Monkey King-I mean-DAMMIT!"

Deep shit going on here...to bad it's to deep for me to get into details. But hey, if she wants to know what boys in general likes...

...to put it plainly that it can apply to both gay and straight boys...

We like ass...

W-we like a wholelot of ass...

Even if you asexual, you can't deny we like ass...

And to be shot with a nice smile...and I use that lightly.

Jin Mori: You are just the worse right now...

Shut up Love Scrub.

Anyways...

Mori could hear Soojin start to tear up from embarrassment. And he finally found out where the rapey breathing and whimpering came from...yes...that's right...rapey whimpering.

"N-nevermind, p-please I beg of y-you, don't tell him I called."

Jin wasn't THAT dense that he'd let her hang up. So he broke up the act.

"H-hey babe what's up doll face~?!"

Soojin was instantly surprised. Mori could feel her blushes from across the line.

"W-what!? Huh?!"

"Ohshit, I mean-...H-hey, it's me. What can I do for you Lee?"

"Jin...S-South Korea...? Wh-...what happen to Rosie?"

"IT'S _ROSI **EH**_ , you gotta-erm...she...ah...erm...got...deported? Y-yeah, deported. Turns out she was illegal, guess Trump sent her back over the wall or something...like that...I-I...don't vote."

That awkward moment when...

"O-...okay. Eh, did you just hear...that?"

"No..."

* * *

 **Mori used; _Deadpan Density_. It was highly effective.**

 _ **Notice: Deadpan Density cause Silence on both sides for 3 turns.**_

* * *

.

.

.

"S-so...was the previous phone calls from you by any chan-"

"N-No! I-I dont know w-what you're talking about!"

* * *

 **Soojin used; _Tsundere_ was mildly effective.**

 _ **Notice: Tsundere Denial cause Silence and doki-dokis on one's self for 3 turns.**_

* * *

.

.

.

Mori knew that shit was a lie, once you hear rapey whimpers, they are quite distinct per person. He knew that was her calling twice before...he just wished he hadn't blunted out his financial problems.

"Wait, where are you calling from?" Mori asked.

"Phone booth." Soojin didn't hesitate with her answer, almost if she didn't exactly feel how creep it was that the only phone booth he knew of was not very far from his house. Like...a couple blocks.

...He prayed she didn't remember where he lived.

"S-s-s-so..." Mori's voice cracking like glass. "...why did you call?" He ask, knowing full well why she called cause she blurted it out to his Mexican housekeeper that didn't exist.

"I just thought...maybe we should...tal-"

"S-sure!-I mean, y-yeah, sure whatever..."

.

.

.

I have no idea where this is going...

Anyways

"So...I've been thinking about our...'hangout'...and I was wondering if there is a preferred choice in how...ya know, fancy I should dress?"

"Pfft, I'm just gonna throw on a shirt and pants. You wanna turn this into some date or something."

You know, maybe we should kill all the scrubs, just head out and kill all scrubs, newbs, and rookies. We'd be doing the world a favor.

"W-well, I just wanted...I just thought I should look nice. M-m-maybe a ...dress and all that." Soojin was twiddling her bangs between her fingers, a scarlet hint ran across her face at the thought of dressing up real nic-

"Hey do what you want, you don't have to go fully girly. I doubt you could pull it off anyway."

Wut...u wot m8?

* * *

 **Mori used; _Not Very Lady Like_ of the _Stupid Ass Says Dumb Shit_ series inside the _Trigger Warning_ specials. Effects caused are Silence for 3 turns, indefinite Darkness, Instant Death if failed to block properly, Enemy Atk Boost by 75%, and Blockage reduced to half.**

 _Notice: Passive; Killing intent detected, Detection Lv increased. Lv:4 Lv:86._

 _Notice: If Survived, EXP reward will increased by 101%._

* * *

Oh.. _.Suger Honey Ice Tea_...

.

.

.

"D-did...did I just hear you wrong." Soojin had this confusing tone. Like a black mother in the ghetto when she tells her child, 'Say it again.'

Lord have mercy...

"W-w-what I was implying is that..." .

Nah, you don fucked up boy. Can't fix a teared off arm.

"...erm, you...you shouldn't have to ...g-go through all the trouble-yeah, trouble of it...all? Y-yeah, I don't want you to get...w-worked up." Stutter. .Stutter.

There was a long gap in the line, Mori could no longer hear breathing. Yes my boi, you dun goof'd it.

"That's what I thought you said. So you think it's a lot of work for me yo be ' _girly_ ' huh ?"Mori could hear her condescending tone with a mix of lip service.

Jin quickly went on the defensive.

"Pssht, y-you said it n-n-not ME, I'm just saying your ... _La'Feminine Power level_ isn't exactly high enough for you to...rock a dress."

"So I'm not girl enough for you?"

"H-HEY...I never said for **ME** , I'm saying...p-p-period."

Can we make a menstrual joke here...mhhh...I don't know...not the appropriate time.

"But hey, **I'm** not for girly women anyway, I mean, **I-I** like strong w-w-women-

"So by your standards I can't be girly and strong..." He could hear she was no bullshiting.

"N-NOT W-WHAT I MEANT, N-N-NOR AM I REFERRING TO **MYSELF**. I just-like-ya know- gotta- ya know. I-I like me some tomboys...y-yeah...if that doesn't sound creepy."

"I see, even tho I have breast...I'm not feminine enough for you."

Mori was sweating like a Chinese slave shop worker...yes I made that joke...it's just a joke.

"A-a-a-and they are...nice b-b-breast, b-b-b-but...ya know...if that's all it took...I'd be attracted to fat guys...just...ya know...saiyan. Plus the clothes don't help ether. AGAIN, NOT EXACTLY **ME**. "

.

.

.

Long pause.

.

.

.

I like how Jin always mentions that it's not **him** saying the shit coming out of **his** mouth.

"You...you son of a bitch...you think you'll get away with this?" Lee was speak in the calmest form she could, crazy.

Lord I beg you, spare the scrub! He knows not what he do!

"H-hey I'm just being t-t-truthf-f-ful!, t-t-totally not my opinion or anything." Jin's voice was cracking.

"You must feel safe. South Korea."

"No, not as long as you still refer to me as 'South Korea', no." Mori mutters to himself rather bleakly.

"Just watch, you Southern bastard, I'm gonna have your heart skipping beats when you see me, you'll be begging to take a second glance at me."

"What...what if I take a look when you aren't looking."

"I'll beat your ass."

"What if we're talking?"

"I'll...I'll...DAMMIT, screw you ya hear! You better look good. Or. You. **LOSE**!"

Fuck, losing, Mori hated that, he swore before his life...and Park IIpyo, that he'd never lose again. Shit damn, that and he promised to take every fight seriously. Mother fuck, even worse, he also remembered he has no eggs, apples or milk, looks like no apple flapjacks for him.

"And don't you dare chicken out."

Mori was scared shitless, he couldn't just go dressing like a **Pimp Name SlickBack**. Fuck, why is it so hard to not look to overdressed or to casual!?

"Run away and I'll show you the wraith of an unmarried woman."

Whoa. Unmarried woman? Wait what? The **FUCK** type of K dramas Mansuk be watching?

He could hear Soojin's snickering of evil from across the line. She thought she'd have him beat.

"Oh...and Jin Mori."

Huh, her tone was a massive shift.

"I...I can't wait!" She sounded like a giddy school girl. He could HEAR her smile, that's literally how excited she sounded.

"Y-yeah...me too." The monkey lad's face went a crimson red. He couldn't tell if she was excited about the date or the fact that she was gonna look good, might even be the fact she thinks she's gonna beat him. His heart did in fact skipped a beat...weak punk.

"Hehe, seems I win the _pre_ -round 1 warm up, but I guess that doesn't count, I'll have a redo when we meet, and I'll win just you wait~."

Dammit, he didn't think she could hear his heartbeat from the phone. Sounded louder than he thought. Shit, he just wanted to hear her say it again, even if it meant losin-yeah-no fuck that.

"And if my voice made your heart drop, imagine my looks. You'll die! Ha!" She was cocky now.

"W-we'll s-see." This fucker's voice is cracking? Holly shit. That is hilarious!

The sound of his voice dipping and flopping in pitch made her want to hold on to the phone a little bit longer. She wasn't that far from his house, but what would be the point of going there... She hadn't forgotten what he said, jerk, She was furious. but...she liked the challenge. She'll show him.

* * *

 **Present time cause I already forgot what time it is.**

I feel moist.

 _ ***cough***_

Moving on...wait, we're ending the chapter here...fuck...w-well...shit...okay-okay.

See ya next time bandidos.

* * *

 **(TBC)**

* * *

 **Author note:Wanted to make it longer but meh, R &R.~ Feedback wakawelcome**


	6. C6:God of Feminine Trials Pt2(Soojin)

**God of Feminine Trials, LeeSoojin's side(Part 2)~**

* * *

 **Italic text are thoughts just in case you haven't picked up on it**

 ** _Both bold and italic_ text represents thoughts or letters,signs, etcs**

* * *

Lee Soojin had reached her destination. It was a long task filled with trials and requests, thank fuck haven none of them were...IMO, anything really, ya know, 'much'.

To her, it might have been like giving up her legs, but that's just her. I can assure you, it wasn't extreme-hell it wasn't even mild.

What were some of the stuff she did, well... To show you just how petty these were, lets go back an hour.

* * *

 **An hour or so back, because I lost track of time.**

* * *

Soojin had overcame that weirdo guy, all it took was a bra strap. Doing what she just did, in North Korea, would have most likely gotten her executed.

"I must carry on...even if I loose my shame." Her speech was sluggish and slurred. Like what the fuck, it was a bra strap, not a thong strap.

Suddenly Soojin is reminded of the time she had to get use to her Pandora Armor. Embarrassment, the mental 'pain'. I'm sure we've all seen the first parts of _Kill La Kill,_ so yeah basically that.

You'd think she was numb to such embarrassment since her Borrowed Power looks like something a fancy 'suit' a punkish dominatrix stripper would wear. Complete with dem heels doe. Guess not...she could very well pull that off tho...

.

.

.

Thank Lord Chin Chin she ain't got 4th wall awareness.

Moving on.

Soojin came to another wall in her path, cause...yeah, he was fat as fuck and tall as hell. Like jeez, the fuck didn't she see this guy from behind the other guy-oh that's right...plot inconvenience.

Soojin stared up at the big...big...BIG lad, she was unsure of whether she should bargain for her place or just kick his ass."Yo tubby, what would you give up for them pair of legs?" Wow...rude, damn she tiered of the shit now? She just got started.

"Another pair." Whoa, he didn't waste no time with that answer. It was given coldly, coldly enough that it sent chills down Soojib's spine. Not even turning to face her.

 _Another pair eh? Great, he's another perver-_

"And not just any pair, but 7 pairs."

 _H-huh!?_

 _Huh_ is right. This guy was asking for way too much girls for his neck bearded self.

"Thick thighs and legs. Hot and fatty...tasty."

Damn, brotha wants the whole set. When you find his woman, send one my way.

"I want them golden and oily..."

He wants someone with a spray tan?

"tender and moist..."

I shall not make a dirty joke out of that, instead, I'll let you do it~. Imagination~.

"But most importantly..."

Soojin was scared(disgusted would be more appropriate) to hear the rest of tubb-I mean perve-I mean... The _guy's_ demands...cause he was breathing real heavy now. Mouth watering, licking his lips and all.

"I want..."

.

.

.

"...them to be nice and flaky, crisp to perfection."

Ewwwwww, this this fucka say wuuuuutttttt? Flaky? This dude wants ashy yet juice legs? Ewwwwww. If he wants them that bad, he needs to look at his own, shave the hair, get a lil insta tan, and **_bam bitch_**...you set.

"If you hurry now, you can get me a bucket."

Wait what? B-bucket? Soojin was picturing something weird as fuck, not aas weird*cough*kinky*cough* as me...but still hella strange up this hole ya hear...totally not a dirty joke btw.

"I'll even give you the money!"

Soojin's train of thought was filled...with the circus. This guy wanted...

legged body tanned prostitutes.

a bucket.

Well...I can't judge...I get turned on by...ya know...naked women...I can't judge if this guy gets excited from ashy, flaky, tanned, and oily legs in a bucket. Besides, someone might consider what I get turned on by...as strang-

"It's only at a limited time offer! There is a KFC down town, the 15 piece is about 1000 won, take this money and hurry. I see your legs, those are runner legs."

-Oh...w-well kiddies forget all that I told you about...that...please.

But yeah...KFC...

KFC, _**Korean**_ _Fried Chicken_ , TOTALLY **not** a rip of a r- **real** brand name fast food chain...

...d-d-drink b-bleach kids, it'll help the j-jokes go d-down.

Soojin stumbled a couple feet back. She was taken afar back by what the rather LARGE(and I don't use that word lightly) man said. Repeating what he said, it finally made sense. Tho she still had this distasteful look on here face. Almost like she didn't understand. But not to worry, Soojin wasn't confused or anything like that, she just...well...

She didn't like talking to fast food cashiers, or people that are paid to be quirky and upbeat in general, talking fast, constantly saying the same thing. It was always so strange to her.

But what would you do for l-

 _The destruction of that bastard, South Korea._

FUCK, fine, whatever, your ' _reasons'_!

Soojin hesitated to take the money out of his hand...cause it looked greasy. But surely it can't be as unhygienic as living in a North Korean mine, she'd probably deny the fuck out of the health violations tho.

"Now go! Down town, right next to the shut down construction shop! The special(15 piece for 1000 won) ends in 15 minutes. That is the only thing I'll leave this line for."

Damn, this guy made it sound like the fate of the world depended on this, Soojin knew the fate of his life depends on whether he can go on a diet or not. Ya know what I'm sayin'? Matter of fact...was he even here for the peep show? Are we sure he wasn't here for other reasons...like... _HEALTH_. I can smell the high blood pressure. Could Soojin's guilt hold sending this man into an early-... _early_? ...Yeah, early. Early grave-

"Y-Yeah, I'll complete your request Mister."

" _Mister_? Jeez, I'm 22."

NOOOO~! Holy fuck what is wrong with you!? This guy could die so young! Stop! He needs this clinic visit!

"S-sorry?"

For fucks sake...*sigh* Turning around and running across the street, Lee Soojin yelled"Hold my spot!". Hopefully, his passion for the Fried Arts of Food was as honorable as his word.

Soojin passed all sorts of people and signs, she was trying to get out of the big guy's vision. Doubt he knew she was clueless about most of the city. Truthfully. Her only problem was that she didn't know where down town was.

"Pfft, I got this." Well isn't she confident.

Enough of that, Soojin knew this was gonna be easy as shit, all she'd have to do was blitz through the Seoul til she could find that KFC.

She immediately took position, it was a track runner style pose.

.

.

.

Off she went, with a blitz speed that outclassed any car on the road.

It wasn't long before...

.

.

.

She was lost.

* * *

 **10 minutes later.**

* * *

"W-WHERE THE HELL AM I?!"

Isn't it obvious you crazy bitch, lol, you're lost, lmao. Thank fuck haven she hasn't gained the 7th sense...of the 4th wall...

J-just remember kids, a cup of bleach while reading this fanfic, helps the brain...start to... s-stick? What?

*cough*

Soojin lied helplessly on the pavement, was she worn out? Considering these are times of peace, and she wasn't in her Pandora form. I'd say yeah. Hey...Mori got tired before. Why was she worn out when she has enough energy to destroy the planet? Plot convenance...w-wut...m-my story.

What has she been doing this entire time?

Well she found at least TWO KFC joints, thing is...

* * *

 **A while ago**

 **First KFC**

 **First 2 minutes**

 **Yes a flashback in a flashback.**

* * *

Soojin had halted her endless speeding after passing a sign with the initials, KFC. She figured it was unlikely that it meant, Korean Funding Corporation...or Kung Fu Cow...

"Yes, I found a KFC-"

Her words of joy were halted by the sight of all the people crowding up the inside the damn place, you'd swear it was the 7/11 pandemic...don't ask what that is...

"W-what...the HELL?"

She was afraid of opening the door in fear of them just spilling out like the effects of trying to take a lid of a soda bottle after shaking the damn thing.

Damn...a KFC in Brooklyn ain't this filled to the brim.

She was uncertain, but she knew what she had to do, cause what would you do-

"To beat South Korea."

Keep denying the shit and I WILL turn this into hentai. Tsundere.

Ya know what, Soojin's hand smacks her face.

 _ **SMACK~!**_

"Ow!"

Soojin grabs her hand.

"Why the hell did I slap myself? Bwah! Got no time for this crap."

Hopefully it smack some sense into her.

"I can't go here...there is WAY too much people. Shit."

She peaked through the glass door, gazing upon the civil wars happening inside. And holy fuck, there was blood shed.

"Whoa! F-for food-"

She is instantly reminded of being back in the North Korean mine.

"OH...well...I thought they had it better off here...guess not."

Soojin was growing the gull enough to open the door, til...

 _ **BAM**_

 _ **BAM**_

 _ **BAM**_

Whoa, wait what the hell? Gun shots? Holy fuck! Over chicken?!

Soojin, despite being faster than bullets, didn't felt like risking her endurance and testing whether bullets bounced off her skin or not.

She fled outta that scene like she was a chicken...

...c-cause she's...ya know...

in front of KFC...

a chicken joint...

Get a sense of humor ya bastard-...

Moving on.

* * *

 **Second** **KFC**

 **Congrats-a frigin-lations** **you just spent 6 minutes in total running around the city.**

* * *

Soojin was gonna go mad at this point. She lied face first into the pavement.

"It's over...I'm screwed."

Not until this fic ends you naughty girl-*cough*

Soojin's nose picked up on something, something familiar.

It was that smell of chicken...fried.

Her face shot up, eyes following nose. Soon after she laid gaze upon this average looking man. In his arms lays rest something angelic in nature...

A bucket of tender looking chicken, practically glowing n' shit. The letters engraved on the side, KFC. Soojin could legit cry right now.

She stood up in a hurry, running over to the man.

 _Surely it isn't exactly bothering if I ask this one old guy who just came from the restaurant right?_

"H-hey ajussi..."

He turns to look at the young las. The first thing he was taken by was her rather odd colored animu-ish purple hair.

"Oh my. What could you want lil lady?"

Pedo?

"T-that chicken, KFC right?"

"That's what the bucket says..."

Derp.

"C-could I have...m-maybe...d-directions?"

"Sure~" pedosaywhat?*cough*

Soojin was ecstatic. Finally, some shit was going her way-

"Gimme a strand of ya hair first."

-with another Gosh damn fucking PERVERT. Fuck, she seems to be finding a lot of these.

"Wh-what? My hair?"she exclaimed, clenching the to of her head.

"Yeah."he replied, big ol creepy smile too."You hair."

 **INNNNN MY SKIIIIINNNNN THEY CRRAAAWWWLLLLL!**

"Just a stand?"

"Yep."

 **GET DEM OOOFFFFF OF MEEEEE!**

"You wanna know where it is right?"

 **AWWHHHHH THIER INNN MY EYES!**

"Just A strand. A rather long one."

 **OOOHHHH GAWD I CAN NOT SEEEE~EEE!**

Soojin didn't see the harm in it. Just that it's creepy as fuck and you should just kick his ass and threaten him to get the info out.

Doing the unthinkable, the girl reaches for a strand, plucking the longest she could find, she eyed it down before staring at the man.

"You aren't gonna make some sorta voodoo doll are you?"

"Hm...What's that?" This mother fucker a lair.

"No cloning?"

"Unthinkable...and for the most part, expensive."

"Wear it?"

"Not sure how I'd do that." You tie it around your finger or other rather long...thin...parts of your...body.

"Eat it?"

"I much rather prefer the chicken." I'd much rather prefer something nastier but that's just mini me.

"Get a matching carpet?"

"My carpet is teal."Strange, your drapes are brown. Must be some other types of freaky.

"Voodoo doll?"

"Not even sure I'd make one of those."

"AH HA! I thought you said you didn't know what voodoo dolls were!?"

"Do you want the location or not?"He just stood there, fatherly smile on his face. Cringy fuck.

She felt uncomfortable as skinny man in a prison cell with a smooth talking fat dude. Ultimately, she handed over the strand.

Why?

Cause *sigh* what would you do t-

 _For Jin Mo-Ri!_

Oh my~ Character development.

That was a love confession right?

Yes it was, I'm counting it as-

...what?

Huh?

Shit, then that means we'd have to end it here, crap...

...you're right.

"Thank yoouuu~" Stranger danger this bastard~

"Anyways, look for _Se Jong-Daero,_ head down this street and make a left at the building with the coffee billboard on it. KFC's there."

Yes, some progress...

Might have given this guy a DNA sacrifice so he can use to resurrect the Dark Lord Chin Chin...

But progress!

Might have given this fool a murder weapon to strangle somebody with, leading to cops to you since it was your hair...

But **PROGRESSION~*~*~*~!**

Soojin didn't waste time.

"Thanks ajussi!"

She took off like a bullet in the given directions.

The man took his hair sample and put it in a napkin, stuffing that in his pocket.

* * *

 **ACTUALLY at the Second** **KFC**

* * *

Soojin could once again nearly cry at the sight of the chicken based food chain.

But like the previous one, this was packed to the brim.

"N-no. I won't let that stop me, I NEED this."

She pulled open the door. Fighting her way to the 12 feet away counter. It was relativity easy tho. She could lift large rocks and kick steel clean in half. So...

Reaching the counter, you was face to face with the lady there, the lady had this worried look on her face, due to the raging crowed. So aka, she wasn't pretending to be all perky, so Soojin knew that she would get extremely sh to the point of tears because she wasn't put in a point of emotional pressure.

"YOU, cashier!"

"W-wait, ma'am, you just came in here , I should let you know-"

"15 piece special for 1000 won please! To go!"

"But-but. Ma'am!"

"W-what!?"

"We're outta chicken! That's why the people in here are raging!"

They were outta chicken...

.

.

.

Words you'd never hear in Jersey's KFC, those guys fear death, KFC ran outta chicken, dem dudes woulda got fuck up...for some chicken-...

.

.

.

How in the ever fuck knows no end does a joint that got famous for selling chicken...run outta chicken?

THE FUCK YOU MEAN YOU AIN'T GOT NO MORE CHICKEN?

"The fuck do you mean you're 'outta chicken'!?"

Bitch that's what I was just saiyan!

Soojin reached over the counter, grabbing the cashier by her collar.

"A KFC does not simply RUN 'outta chicken'!"

The crowd roared behind Soojin, almost as if they agree.

"Are you telling me the Chicken was a lie?! Or a pot pie?!"

The Northern land ho' wasn't even making any sense anymore.

Her eyes gleamed red with rage. Veins on her forehead grew, she brought the cashier's face close to her's. You could smell MAD bitch hormones emitting from her body. The cashier was shaking like a snitch in a gangster's barmitzvah...yes, I'm talking a Jewish catholic mobster...problem?

"I HAVE A _DATE_ IN LESS THAN 5 HOURS...DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE **SEVERITY** OF MY RAGE RIGHT NOW?"

She self conscientiously admitted it was a date...oh my monkey god.

"I-I-I-I-I am terribly s-s-sorry m-m-m-m-ma'am. But some older looking man t-t-took the last bucket." Damn girl was crying and sobbing n' shit.

Bet she wished she didn't cloc-wait...OLDER LOOKING MAN?

Soojin knew exactly who that was, that creeper bastard.

"H-...he suckered me..."

Her grip loosen, her knees weaken, balance following.

"That old bastard..."

And he got your hair...tough set.

Her vision went blurry, fading to black as the crowed went over the counters.

...And that's what happened

* * *

 **Yes end of the flashback in a flashback.**

 **Fast forwarding back to Soojin lying on the pavement**

* * *

Soojin had rolled herself over on her back.

"I only have about..."

She looked at the nearest object her eyes laid rest. She saw a street sign.

"I have about...5 minutes left I think."

Why didn't she ask for directions? Cause she was sorta shy and didn't want to impose on people. Guess she felt her matters wasn't important enough to bother people with...despite lying in the middle of the sidewalk forcing people to go around her. But yes, her matters wasn't important enough to bother people it was that guy that screwed her over, she very much want to annoy, maybe kill, him.

And we're not just saying that to be kind, it just wasn't.

"What the hell?" A voice said.

Huh? Who was this? Looking up Soojin say the person's face, some purple spikey haired guy in a olive colored hoodie, he had headphones on his ears, and something in his hands. A plastic bag?

Who was this guy?

It was _**Byun JaeHee**_.

...ya know...

...the guy from Chapter 6 of GOH...

...h-he nullified Jin's 3rd Stance when they fought...

...mount position...

Whatever...

He looked down at the collapsed women"What the hell are you doing? Do you need help or something miss?"

* * *

 **2 minutes later.**

* * *

"Jin Mori ey?"

"Y-yeah."

Both sat on a nearby bench, Lee Soojin had been explaining her situation for a while now.

"I always wanted a rematch with the guy, but...a god? That's way outta my league."

Soojin knew that feel. Almost made her sick, she couldn't count the amount of times she's lost to him.

"Erm...Tell me bout' it...but hey, he only beat you ONCE."

Jaehee sat hunched over. Exhaling all the air in his lungs, he stood up, stretching. Soojin watched as he stretched his arms up at the sky.

"I only have one question..."

Hm? What was it that she could have not explained well enough for him to understand?

"What?"

Relieving his arms, Jaehee position them in his pocket.

"Why did you feel the need to tell me the whole ENTIRE story from the beginning?"

What?! Soojin shot up off the bench.

"W-W-WHAT? I THOUGHT YOU'D UNDERSTAND IT BETTER IF I START FROM THE BEGIN."

Jaehee pulled his hand out his pocket, picking up his plastic bag containing whatever he bought.

"How this day started, and maybe the time you met him in the supermarket, would have been just fine."

Shit, I don't know why he complaining. If the women I've been with could have done half of the shit they did in 2 minutes, that would be at least...half a year of extra time I could have had. Some dudes be complaining for no reason.

"So you included the part that you're North Korean, 'sent' here on some sort infiltration mission, when you already killed those who gave you the mission. Join this fucked up religions organization, etc etc, went to a mystical realm where you were responsible for the death of half the nation, almost got the death penalty by some heavenly princes, then had a match with Mori on this exploding planet. Blah blah Blah."

Soojin's face grew red, as did her rage. Not only did he skip over a good bit of detail, he was able to recited the gist of it in a couple seconds.

"B-but you should be amazed by my excellent story telling skills if I did all that in 2 m-minutes!"

And he SHOULD be. Have you waited for a girl to put on makeup? No? Y'all better listen to me.

"Missing the point, that's 2 minutes less on your clock."

Soojin,...as well as myself, knew we done fucked this is nothing like Namek time!

"SHIT, you're right!"

"I'd think you read too much manga with the story you told me..."

Pfffttt~ * **deletes GOH out of bookmarks** *

"but then there was the incident where Seoul was destroyed and I woke up in the mountains watching some light show,then a huge ass pillar."

He turns towards Soojin."Sooooo. I'll help you."

She was drawn back a little."Whoa, really?"She asked.

"Only thing I ask is to spar with you."

 _Great, everything had a cost to it._

Her thoughts were a lot more subtle than her speech tho.

"Whaaaatttt?! Now?! I Don't have time fo-"

He held his hands up, gesturing her to calm down.

"Cool your jets, I don't like overly violent women, I'm not talking **now** , but later...some time."

The ' _overly violent women_ ' thing pissed her off slightly, but she can make him pay for it when they spar.

"Fine~ So tell me where this _'KFC'_ is?"

"Right here."He pulled up the bag he's been carrying with him all this time. He held it to her direction.

"W-w-wait, you're giving this to me?"

She was shocked, stepping back a bit. You'd swear she was scared of the 'New Chicken' they say KFC be using...but don't worry, A lot of Asian countries treat their animals like gods before they get slaughtered, got a brotha wishing he was a cow in Korea right now. Like honestly...compare how cows are kept in the USA...to how cows are kept in, lets say, Japan...big friggin' difference I swear.

Anyways..

A smirk drew across Jaehee's face. "Yep, 15 pieces for 1000 won right?"

She instantly grabbed it out of his hand, pressing it against her chest. The warmth of fresh KFC was like no other, I would know, I'm blac-*cough* totally not making that joke.

Moving on.

"B-but... W-what..."

She instantly bowed.

"Thank you. I will humble repay you one day." Her voice wasn't sorta shaky like before, this time it was stern, like a soldier answering his commanding officer.

The purple haired lad got a bit flustered. Causing him to almost lose his balance. He better not sink my ship or I'll drown his ass.*cough*

He avoided looking at her, a goofy ass smile drew across her face."D-damn, sadly you met that guy huh..." His voice was as low as it could be...AND SHE **STILL** HEARD HIM.

She didn't understand what he meant.

"Yeah, I guess I did."

A smile drew across her own face-

Okay I doubt this Northern AWOL Chesty knows what he meant. She doesn't even know she just admitted to falling in love with a guy she technically didn't fall in love with...

yet...

...or did she...

 ***X Files theme plays***

His face redden up mo- this son of a bitch.

"Enjoy your...your date-"

Damn right she'll enjoy it, know your place extra!

"It's NOT a d-date."

Yes! Deny it, that makes it stronger!

Denying it more than Kayne West into butt stuff. Denying more than Bill Clinton about those sexual relations, Denying it more than Kim Jong Un with North Korean people's rights-I'm sorry I shouldn't have gone that far.

I can't say it enough, thank fuck haven she can't break the 4th wall, cause she'd deny the fuck outta that N. Korea joke more than Kayne West denied Taylor Swift that spotlight...after all he did _"Make dat bitch fam~ous~"_ \- shit I just gotta stop. That went too far, that video was fucked up tho, I found it scary as shit.

Anyways... See ya next time bandidos.

* * *

 **(TBC)**

* * *

 **Author note:Wanted to make it longer but meh, yeah jokes were lackluster. But hey, I do offensive jokes, there is only so much few I can make about women without taking it too high. Anyways R &R.~ Feedback wakawelcome**


	7. C7:God of Feminine Trials Pt3(Soojin)

**God of Feminine Trials, LeeSoojin's side(Part 3)**

 **Disclaimer: The humor in this fanfic may be considered offense to some, read with , these jokes do not represent my personal opinions or thoughts on certain matters, learn to take a joke bruh.**

PS:Don't own GoH

* * *

 **Italic text are thoughts just in case you haven't picked up on it**

 ** _Both bold and italic_** **text represents thoughts or letters,signs, etcs**

* * *

 **Still an hour or so back, because I lost track of time.**

She had done it. She had bested the second trials of femininity, getting chicken for a guy who would have lived longer without...yeah...this bitch feels like Marilyn Monroe up this mother fucker.

Nothing like sweating up a storm to show your man that you is with it.

.

.

.

Wait yeah, you know what...dirty joke avoided... 53.

Gentlemen prefer North Koreans~.

Anyways.

Soojin stride herself on to the next challenge that dare opposed her 'ladylikeness'.

She was like 'Fuck you have a nice day.'

But what is trials without oppositions.

Her eyes met the most horrid thing ever seen...IMO.

A heavy breathing, fake glasses wearing, lanky ass, anime girl shirt wearing, new mac phone using, WEEABOO.

And he wasn't your run of the mill weeaboo; that said Japanese phrases for fun and to make people laugh, he was the unhygienic type. The chicken guy before looked alright, this guy had the look of a condescending ass. Like he'd hang you from the willows if you dare talked shit about Attack on Titan...good shit btw.

Like he'll breath real heavy and…talk on for hours, then call your favorite anime shit, just because you ship AnniexEren instead of MikasaXEren _*sobs*._

Erm...

*clears throat*

Oh God, Soojin was terrified…

...okay she wasn't, but I am.

"Hey awkward breathing nerd, what do I have to do trade spots in line?"

"NEKO DESU!"

"Hey, Japan, nice shit over there, but right now, Korean, mother fucker do you speak it?" She was chill now, must be the last challenges she faced, she must have clearly forgotten the time those took.

He turned completely around, surprisingly, his face wasn't as warped with _animu_ as one might expect."You want my place in line you say?!"

"Yeah...but hold on..." Soojin reached for his glasses and hair. She shook around his hair and pulled off his glasses, don't know what she's expec-

Whoa what the fuck.

That trimmed 5o-clock shadow.

Those sharp piercing blue eyes.

That masculine jaw line.

That high cheek bone.

That Kevin Bacon nose.

Dem feet-*clears throat* Dat feminine facial features.

Those sparkles and shojo filters!

THIS HERE IS A MOTHER FUCKING PANTY DROPPING LOOKING GOOD IN SOME TIGHT CLOTHES **BISHIE**!111!

 _*nosebleed*_

DA fuck? I'm straight tho!

"Sir, why do you mask your heavenly sculpted face?" Soojin was having second thoughts of taking slightly tall, annoying, goofy, and a proverbial monkey on a date.

"GAW!"

He moved with great speed, fixing his hair and grabbing back his glasses.

"NUUUHHHH! How dare you remove my glasses, don't you know XXX wore these exact same glasses in XXX of XXX!"

Sounds like a porno-*cough*anyways.

"This amount of disrespectfulness! Do you want my place in line or NOT!?"

"OKAY. OKAY! I'm sorry, ya don't have to be a prick."

"HOW DARE YOU BERATE MY EXPERTISE!"

Soojin didn't even mind the fact he was yelling at her. Yeah he was that fucking man beautiful.

"So yeah, what request you have for me?" She sounds willing now.

He was annoyed at how she just gazed upon his beauty and didn't hear him criticizing her. Brotha thought it as useless now. He sighed."I want" He fixed his glasses properly on his face. "For you to make cat noses."

"Huh?"

What?

"Cat..."

...Noises?

.

.

.

 _Another_ _ **pervert**_ _!_

She thoughts basically screamed in her head, face the color of a cherry tomato. Heh, where'd that willingness go?

"And not just cat noises, but I want you to put on these..." Reaching into his pocket he pulled out, "FAKE KITTY EARS~~!"

Soojin would find it odd that he was carrying those around...but he is a pervert after all.

"A-are you sure you just don't want me to find a girl who'd do that for y-you?" She backed up a bit, "You are pretty handsome, I'm sure if you take those nerdy ass glasses off, girls w-will be lining up to make cat noises for you." she wanted an appropriate distance between her and the pervert.

"Well that's what you get, I was gonna tell you to get me an aspirin for my headache but then you missed with my look."

"B-BUT YOU LOOK BETTER THAT WAY!"

"I don't CARE, NOW I DON'T LOOK LIKE XXX FROM MY FAVORITE ANIME. XXX!"

The nerd rage was radiating, but so was the furious bishiness, Soojin didn't know whether she should accept this radiation poison or threat it like life or death.

"Are you sure about this? If you were headed to this clinic to get something for this headache ya have, are you sure you just don't want me to ge-"

"NO,"He was real stern now,"NEKO NOISES." She didn't know whether she liked a stern, forceful and hot head bishie...she might actually want to make those ca-

NO!

She needed to stay level headed.

Damn bishies seem to bring out the masochist in a woman.

North Korean didn't know what to do, she had just gain lady points...somehow…

She didn't want to lose them.

But wait…

Are lady points the same as La'Feminine Power ?

N-no they weren't!

In mere split seconds, Soojin's mind went into deep thought, striving for an answer.

 _Being feminine has nothing to do with being a lady._

 _Well yes it did, but not in the way one thinks._

 _Being a lady has being feminine as a contributing factor._

 _But being feminine has not much relation with being a lady._

 _Kinda like how a car needs gas, but gas doesn't need a car._

 _But...will he still accept me even if I'm not lady like._

Yes readers, I'm just as amazed as you, this girl seems to think if she isn't lady like, she must be equal to a disease infested, Hollywood induced, gold diggin', out of control drinker, promiscuous, man eating, mother shaming, **hoe.**

It's funny, cause we all know Soojin was never lady like from the start. And she wasn't at all feminine either...unless you wanna count her Pandora form.

 _My mother say men are always looking for ladies...and then she told me to 'beware'...Mom was always sorta strange on the topic of men._

Well hey, I like a decent woman, but if I can get a wild one I'll enjo-

Has been cheated on 7 times.

O-oh yeah...that explains why I'm still single...cause I always tend...to attract a bad crowd…

*sigh*

Anyways…

Soojin was at a stand still, this might even be worse than showing her bra strap.

How so?

The humility of it all dammit!

Such dehumanization! Much Neko MOE!

Fuck, what will she do? Find out on the next thrilling installment of...whatever the fuck...

* * *

 **(TBC)**

* * *

 **Author note:Yeah~yeah, another short chapter, blow it out your tubes, you try lacking sleep, great fucking hobby. I didn't intend it to be short, the thing is I haven't released anything in 2 weeks so I got scared and decided I'd release this how it is. Anyways R &R.~ Feedback wakawelcome**


	8. C8:God of Manly Advice on Avoiding WCSs

**God of Manly advice on avoiding Worst Case Scenarios**

* * *

 **Disclaimer: The humor in this fanfic IS OFFENSIVE, read with CAUTION , these jokes do not represent my personal opinions or thoughts on certain matters, learn to take a joke bruh.**

 **PS:Don't own GoH**

* * *

 **Italic text are thoughts just in case you haven't picked up on it**

 _Both bold and italic_ **text represents thoughts or letters,signs, etcs**

* * *

Stepping aside from Soojin's side for a bit,we have a nice little heart warming advice chapter with our trio of ' _men_ '...I use that lightly... **okay** , ' _men_ ' for the most part...as in they have penises...whatever; Jin Mori, Han Daewi, and the man 'teaching', I use that just as lightly, them; Park Mu-Bong-

"Mu- _ **JIN**_! Fucking not hard to remember."

Pfft. Whatever.

MuJIN had fxed his collar, in his office chair, he turned to the lads with a confident but stern look. "Anyways, now to start off **Getting With the Ladies 101** -"

"By a guy who recently got with a lady." Daewi added.

"Mhhmm, yeah… Which nurse are you dating again?"

Daewi retreats to the corner of the room in fetal position.

Mujin returned his attention to the monkey lad. "Now Jin Mori, the number **1** thing you must watch out for with dates is **Date Rape.** "

Well shit, this got **dark**.

Mujin stares off into space. "It has happen to me once..."

* * *

Somewhere far off, Judge P sits at her desk when a great sneeze overcomes her. "H-huh?" She looks around.

"Hm, this place need dusting" She mumbled to herself, sliding her finger against the desk.

* * *

"Date Rape is not pretty...people be spiking drinks and all that."

Mori just stared at the man sitting on the chair across from him. They both stayed quite for quite sometime.

.

.

.

"I think I need an adult." Jin pulled back his chair.

He might need an adult.

"I am an adult. "Mujin followed by skipping his chair forward.

He is an adult.

"Then I need Daewi." Mori got up and leaped behind his chair to gain distance from Park.

Baewi is love, Baewi is life.

Mujin stood up, charging towards him, grabbing Mori by the collar."Heed my words boy, she'll leave with your dignity, pride, car, and wallet!"

Mori backed away."Now I just want my mommy."

Momma I need a blanket~

"She'll be your _MOMMY!_ "

Kinky as fuck!

"What the hell is **'date rape'** any way…" Mori pushed Mujin off of him. "Ignoring the proverbial definition of **RAPE,** which happens to be in it's name."

Mujin was shocked, "Y-you don't know?". Mori shook his head. Such response made Mujin face palm.

"Putting a roofie in your drink..."

Mori stared blankly.

"GHB or Rohyphenol..."

Still nothing.

"You know, ' _Pill Cosbying_ ' you?"

Daewi stood up, "In Mr. Cosby defense, we still don't know the truth."

"Pfft. Yeah...right, he's an old man, not much women would touch that."

"A RICH old man though."

"Good point."

Mori stood there staring. "Just tell me!"

Han walked over to Jin, putting his hands on his shoulder. "He's talking when a girl drugs you, has her way with you and/or robs you in the end."

Mori's legs gave out. "What the fuck, will women actually do that!?" Mori fell on all fours, he looked as if he was gonna puke.

Daewi scratched the back of his head."It's not just women tho, but it's an increasing problem now a days."

"Most of the time, women will just take the money and not give the puh." Mujin stroked his chin. "And when I say ' _Most of the time'_ I mean 99.2% of the time." He chuckled, "I was luck-*cough* never mind."

"So not even one positive out of this!?" Mori walloped on the floor.

"It's called fucking ' **date rape'** from the name alone, there was already no positives." Mujin added.

"But fear not child, you are learning from a ' _Maurice_ '!"

Daewi rolled his eyes."Oh yeah, where's he at."

"He's hanging out with whichever nurse you are dating"

Daewi retreats to the corner.

Mujin walked over to the lad sulking on the floor."We **Maurices** are either very good at sports or very good at school. We are known to just want to chill out in peace and drink a nice adult beverage from time to time. We like to live simpler lives all year round. And all Winter sports are the tits." He pats Mori's head. "And the key to simple lives when dating...is to know your women. So they don't Pill Cosby your ass." Mujin picked the monkey boy off the floor, looking like our lord and savior out this hole. "Fear not my child, don't piss a woman off, and that'll never happen."

"T-teach me more."

"I shall."

Han Daewi wish he could help Jin Mori, but dammit, how did so many people get a hold of that question. It rendered him useless. He wondered what he did for the universe to put him through such trials. He could only hope Mori isn't turned into some sorta Charlie Sheen by the end of this.

"And to help this go faster, all you need to do is..." Mujin pulled out a bag. "By my book. _**The Puh-ssi Master; The Great Park Mujin Who Was Awarded Being A Member Of The Six And Is An Overall Genius's Guild To Keeping Your Woman Happy and Healthy, Fo'Real**_."

Dat title tho.

Mori was basically pleading for his life. "H-how much!?" Jin reached for his wallet "I'll pay anything!"

Daewi was shaken by hearing this. "N-no, wait...Mori!"

"Only FIVE easy payments of **65.99** ~."

Dayum, that book must also teach how to raise the dead. And in **USD** thou?

"NO, MORI!" Daewi knew exactly what Mujin was doing, a basic scare tactic used for advertising. "We just went to the bank, you need to save your money for your da _-'hang-out'_!"

Mori turned towards Daewi, his face filled with tears, "I don't wanna get starfished and robbed!"

"You'd be lucky to get at least starfished..." Mujin added quitely out the side of his mouth, shaking his head slow at the bitter fact.

Damn, he wasn't getting trough, "Mujin, you should be ashamed of yourself, baiting Jin like that!"

Mujin avoid eye contact. "I do not knowth what you are referring to, Mr. Han Daewi."

Han swiped the book from his hands, to his surprise it was quite heavy...and this dude could punch mountains in half. Jin attempted to snatch the book from Daewi's hands, failing to do so of course.

"Mori you need to snap outta it..." He held to book way above Mori's head. "Soojin isn't some wicked witch or something like that."

On second thought...she might be.

"Anyways, again… cut the crap, you're looking down on you competition."

 **Le'Gasp!** Jin's body went into full pause. "L-looking down…?"

Daewi knew he got him. "Yes...you are underestimating." He tossed the book over to Mujin who caught it. "I thought you said you were gonna give every fight YOUR all, not cheap tricks and special effects."

Mori fell to his knees. "But...but I'm walking into a minefield over here."

"I understand that, that's why we're-… I'm here to give you advice." Mujin heard that part, he didn't care what Mad Cow said, he was gonna butt in more than Kim Kardashian… get it, cause I used 'butt' instead of...I'll stop.

"But even after that Jin Mori." Daewi puts his hands on Jin's shoulder. " You gotta do what YOU want." HE shot him a smile.

"What I want…."

"Yep..."

.

.

.

"What I want..."

"Yeah?"

.

.

.

" **IS THAT BOOK!** " Mori shoved Daewi out of the way and went long for Mujin 's pass.

" **Dammit**!" Daewi chased Jin.

" **I'M DOING WHAT I WANT THO!** " Mori looked back to see Daewi was gaining up real quick. " ** _GWAH_** ~ I just want to take tidbits from it, it's not like I'll follow the **whole** thing!"

Mujin watched…."So I do get paid right?"

* * *

 **(TBC)**

* * *

 **Author note:Yes I'm offensive, I'm hoping on fences~ You like to play tough, but inside you're defenseless~ Yes, this chapter is short. But I have a good reason, I've been working on my original story; Dear Boy, on my Fiction Press account. Anyways R&R.~ Feedback wakawelcome**


	9. C9:God of Shamin' A Woman For Her Man

**God of Shamin' A Woman for her man**

* * *

 **Disclaimer: The humor in this fanfic may offend some people, read with CAUTION , these jokes do not represent my personal opinions or thoughts on certain matters, this is rated M for a reason.**

 **PS:Don't own GoH**

* * *

 **Italic text are thoughts just in case you haven't picked up on it**

 _Both bold and italic_ **text represents thoughts or letters,signs, etcs**

* * *

We return to our leading lady; Soojin. She was last left to fend off another pervert!

The strangely handsome pervert inched his way closer. "Some what are you gonna do?" His breathing sped up, his geeking area; flared.

Soojin backed up away from him. "I'm gonna let you catch these hands...and feet...and knees !" Shit, now that she thought about it...he might like that. Oh...oh God...

He advanced cripplingly. "Neko~ Neko~?"

" **Heck-no**! **Heck-no**!"

The pervert stepped off a bit, he stood straight, His face was stock "Are you saying you don't want to get passed?"

Damn, that threw her off. Did she really want to shame herself that bad? Giving some guy a strand her hair was one, running around Seoul in search of a chicken joint was another, and showing her bra strap wa-...wait no, that was considerable worse!

She showed some guy her bra strap!

Holy fuck, that was crazy as hell!

For her that is…

She almost felt like crying right now. Fuck, she wondered if by anime rules, she had to marry that guy? Shit, that'll be wrong. The thought made her stomach turn. What the hell is making cat noises compared to that?

Well this, making cat noises, wasn't that degrading on the outside, however; her mental state would be fucked, her emotional state would be the same, same with pride.

Showing her bra strap...all of that, plus a guy got to see 2% cleavage and a nice shoulder. He even saw the color and pattern of her bra, bet he was already imagining what the rest looked like through some p-p-porn! The full bra and...the...the…pa-

"WAAAHHH!" Oh yes. Soojin screamed at the top of her lungs, she got down on her knees clenching her head, just the thought of giving up more shame! She'd compare herself to trash! She might as well be **handing out the PUH** on a plate to random passing men!

"Um, are you o-okay?"

Soojin fell back into the bitter gunk of reality. She stared up at the handsome lad. She really wasn't in the mood for his bullshit. Endless thoughts of violence ran through her mind. She could kill this guy or she could tough through it so she could just feed bananas to monkey gods... Decisions, decisions.

Now she's wondering if Mori Jin would get mad if she offers him a banana. I mean...he's technically a monkey.

Meh. She figured it wouldn't mind to him. Though, she didn't know he honestly doesn't enjoy them because the weird texture...and resemblance to a certain body par-

FUCK!

She was straying from the conflict! She was just stark mad a while ago!

But...this was no time to panic...even if she already panicking.

She stood back up."Y-yeah." Soojin was still shaken, but she knew if she couldn't beat a little shamelessness, she'll never be able to beat that monkey bastard! And feed him bananas-fuck, that just sounds wrong.

But what of loosing her 'pureness'...*cough*Pandora Armour*cough*! Even if she can't face him as pure as a woman she'd like, she'd gain a new found outlook; **CONFIDENCE**.

Confidence that this WILL NOT damage her innocence!

Yes, what I am saying right now sounds like a lot of fuck shit, but bare with me, I'm just saying what she's thinking without using the thought style text!

"I'll do it."

Whoa! Guess she's desperate, like she was this whole training arc

"O-oh and..."He reached in his bag and pulled out a hairband with fake cat ears attached."With the kitty ears?"

The thought made Soojin cough up blood a little.

Of course this shocked the shit outta him. She was staring at him rather calmly also, so you can understand how scary it was for him to suddenly see her cough up blood."Are..A-are you oka-"

"I'll do it with the ears, under one condition."

He stood there awaiting her demand.

"You take off your glasses and walk around Seoul, then report back to me."

He reached for his spectacles."W-what?"Securing them on his face as if she was gonna snatch them off again.

"Deal?"His heart beat shook his body. She had a look that scared him a bit, a look that was staring into his weebish soul.

"D-deal."He suck his hand out, holding the very fake, very moe, kitty ears. Just the site was enough to make Soojin cry out for help internally. She took it from his hand, holding it up in front her face, she could feel part of her dying.

B-but it doesn't matter...r-right?

That part that's dying...is w-weakness...r-right?

Her vision was twisting and distorting, it felt like she was standing there for hours, when in fact; it was only a couple seconds.

She then noticed something, the handsome weeb was bringing out his phone?! "Don't forget to do the hand gesture."

"Wait...w-w-what are you doing with that p-p-phone?"She was shaking now."H-h-h-h-hand G-G-GESTURE?"

He had pulled out his phone to record this of course...you wouldn't?"Yeah, you know..." He put both of his hands to strike a pose a cat would do. Hands closed to a light fist, putting them slightly beside each cheeks, then ... _meow_.

A new found fear had struck Soojin's soul. She felt like stone right now, and consider the fact he's planing on recording this could mean he's gonna fap to this shit and/or show it to people. Never mind the fact that they were already outside in public.

"W-...whatever."

Damn…

Was a man really worth this shit?

They say some people can't cross bridges, they didn't say anything about them deciding to go over blindfolded with a rocket strapped to their back.

Soojin placed the ears on her head. And just like that, she felt that part of her completely dead. It was sad really. Lee looked up

She lifted her hands, replicating his gesture of what APPARENTLY a cat does when it meows. Despite her resolve, she was still nervous. She wanted it to simply slip off her tongue… no sexual innuendo...

"M-"

"M-m"

"M-m-me-meo"

The handsome weeb waited eagerly for his end of the bargain. His eyes stared so hard, he could melt the lens off his very glasses.

Her vision however, is still the blurry fuck heap it was a while ago, even more so the fact that she was staring right into the camera that was his phone. It was a simple four letter word...or sound effect. Her face was beginning to red. Her heart beating each time her mouth attempted to opened. Her closed palms were getting had to say it!

 _Say it!_

It was just four letters!

 _Say it!_

Cats say it all the time, hell it was the only thing they could say!

 ** _Say it!_**

If she didn't do this, that South bastard would win!

 ** _Dammit! Say it!_**

".. _Meow_.."

.

.

.

She…she said it. It was like breaking a word record or something. Refreshing. It was like she was born again.

Would she say it again?

Fuck no.

Soojin looked back at the oddly handsome weeb in front of her. "Huh?"

.

.

.

He didn't say a word. Shit, he didn't even move...didn't even look like he was breathing.

Shit, fuck, I wonder if this was a good time to mug him? Probably not in mid day light tho.

She wondered if she broke him...could she be jailed for this?!

.

.

.

"Uhhhh..."Dammit, looks like she'll have to reverse the effects…by saying it again, sadly. "M-meow"

.

.

.

She was shocked by the sudden crack on both lens of his glasses. "H-hey!"But it wasn't only that, the crack was growing, his entire glasses frame was shattering. "Are you alrigh-"

"MMMOOOOOEEEEE NEEEEKKKKOOO"

 **Whoa, wut in da fuck?**

He had startle Soojin with the sudden burst of weebness. "H-his aura!" His glasses fell apart of his face as if it was being held together by cheap glue.

"Hey..." Soojin was prepare to kick the pervert if he tried anything."What the hell's wrong with you?"

He looked at her, face glistening and sparkling, as if he was dipped in butter. He slowly walked towards Soojin. "Y-y-yo!" She backed up "You gonna catch these hands if you pull some more perv crap."

To her surprise, he bowed.

"H-huh?"

"Thank you." He reached his hands out "Please return my trinket, I shall hold your end of the bargain."

Soojin looked at the bishie weeb in confusion as she pulled the cat ears from her head and gave it back to him.

"I shall do as you said."The ,now not as weeby stood, straight. He combed his hair back with his hands. "My place is now yours."

Fuck damn this bishie.

He removed himself from the line and ran full bolt off in the opposite direction. "GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR TASK FARE MAIDEN."That was the last words he uttered before he was outta sight.

YES! Shit was going her way again, not very long before it fucks up again, but she didn't care, her face bustling with success, she was gonna push on, for her Da-

"Hang out!"

Really...fine, her _hang out_.

* * *

 **(TBC)**

* * *

 **Author note:Sorry I'm late. But I have a good reason, I've been working on my original story;** **Dear Boy** **, on my Fiction Press account. But I'm glad we are progressing. Anyways R &R.~ Feedback wakawelcome**


	10. C10:God of Bustin' It Open

**God of Bustin' It Open**

* * *

 **Disclaimer: The humor in this fanfic will certainly offend some people, proceed with CAUTION , these jokes do not represent my personal opinions or thoughts on certain matters, plus I love fucking stuff up for the sake of comedy.**

 **PS:Don't own GoH**

* * *

 **Italic text are thoughts just in case you haven't picked up on it**

 _Both bold and italic_ **text represents thoughts or letters,signs, etcs**

* * *

Lee Soojin, after conquering one, was met with another. He stood in her path, their height was about the same. His flowing blonde hair glowed like something out of a fairy tale. His chin was cleft, his face had a five'o-clock shadow. His body; muscular. Some reason, just like the previous pervert, sparkles shined around his figure.

Soojin kept her caution. "A...another pervert…?"

His eyes instantly met hers "Why yes, yes I am!" Blunt as hell too.

Soojin leap back, gripping her shoulders. "DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE IT YOU FREAK!"

His brow raised. "Hm? So you want me to lie?"

"Didn't ask, don't tell!"

"You did ask." A smirk grew on his weird face.

"I was talking to myself!" Soojin averted her gaze, her stomach felt sick just looking at the pervert.

"I'm not gay though." The man put his hands on his hips. "Unless you are implying gay has a look?"

Soojin gave the man a hopeless stare. "If you were gay, I wouldn't have to worry about it!" She said rather bleakly.

He looked at Soojin with slight surprise, turning away, he thought about it. "Valid point." He cleared his throat before turning to the North Korean again. "Anyways, I saw you with that handsome gentleman bef-"

"You mean the weeaboo?" She said with a blank stare, calling a duck a **...** _duck_.

He cleared his throat again. "...Yes...him…anyways, you did a request for him in order to take his place in line."

Soojin brought back up her guard. "So I'm guessing..."

"Clearly as daylight sun; I have a request myself." He had a proud look on his face, that only furthered her disgust.

"Cut to the chase." Soojin braced herself for not only his most likely some kinky (light) perverted task but another mental reboot of what a lady actually is.

"Oh, a straightforward woman, me like~." Hearing him say that only made the hair on the back of her neck stand like fucking icicles, both in size and shape.

"To keep the details simple, I want you to model for me."

Hm? Soojin didn't get it, was he asking her to model like those women on TV? She'd assume that would take a bit of time. Cause that's technically a career. Wait, was he giving her a job offer, she did needed some money, but was this really her thing? Is he from sorta modeling talent agency and he's scouting some new recruits? What if he's an amateur, then she'd be signing up with a plan that could lead her into debt if he's modeling agency doesn't take off...

The _strapping young_ ( **in his own mind** ) man noticed her confusion. "Eh? To simplified the (already) simple; I want you to struck a **SEXY** **pose** for me~." He plucked out a very expensive camera

.

.

.

Hey. I'm down with it-

"OH HELL NAW!" Soojin clearly wasn't.

Man, this girl ain't that open minded. Need I remind y'all she gave some weirdo a strand of her hair? shit, I write this story.

It wasn't rock surgery or brain science. It was posing RATHER… **VERY** suggestively, she wasn't going full nude. Right? Right...?

Soojin backed up, she wondered why all men she met today are perverts...

.

.

.

 _Most South Korean men seem to be vile shameless perverts!_

Wow, what a generalization. Her mind was in whack now.

"Oh c'mon, you posed for that previous lad..." He seemed rather entertained by her sudden refusal.

"THAT'S DIFFERENT." She's sorta right, **Cute =/= Sexy.**

He stared at her with a serous look before stating something; "They say the only reason a boy does something stupid more than once is for a girl, if he does it once, it's because he's stupid. But if for a girl, he'll leap mountains." Wow, generalization of the century...again. Though. I've traveled quite the distance for … *cough* a female who was bustin' it open for me, so he isn't exactly wrong on the last part.

"Why the hell are you telling me that crap?" Soojin felt nervous, she didn't like where this was going.

The man giggled a bit before moving his hand to stroke his butt shaped cleft chin. "Because, I can only assume it is the same for a girl also."

Putting two and two together, Soojin got the message, her cheeks lit bright red like a sunset.

"W-w-what-what are you tryna' s-s-say you f-fairy fuck!?"

'Fairy fuck'...? How colorful. He was entertained beyond belief, it was like watching a baby learning how to walk correctly, he couldn't help but feel butterflies in his gut. "Seems you already know, it only hurts more to deny it~." He pointed at her with both hands, as if gesturing to poke her. Cause he basically was pushing her buttons right about now

He right doe'.

Soojin just stood there, flaring in both rage and embarrassment.

The blonde man put his hand back on his booty shaped cleft chin."You should be thanking me..." Soojin looked at him with slight surprise. "...Since this is for a boy."

She was ticked now."I-IT'A NOT A **DATE**?!"

"Never said it was."

 _ **Shit.**_

Fuck. You really do get caught up in short term goals when distracted.

"Having a cute bra, knowing what he likes to eat, and being tom boyishly cute are only half-no, a little less than half the battle of being a lady."Anyone else find it strange that a guy is telling her this? No, just me? "But no just a lady. A lady who wants a man."

Soojin knew she was gonna 'die' again. But could she recover from such a blow. We'll have to see.

.

.

.

I like the fact that, _**being yourself,**_ isn't considered.

* * *

"Now, lets try from the top, strike a pose!"

Soojin had struck the most whack ass, Fuck Girl-ish pose ever known- ya know what…

Think of the most sexiest thing you've ever seen, now turn that thing hairy and age it 50 years.

What feeling do you get?

.

.

.

Great, now take that and smooth it down to mid peak of cringe. Repeat that level of laughable and cringe for and hour.

That's how whack the pose was.

"NO NO" The blond man face palmed. "Are you trying to keep his genitals dry?!" He yelled in annoyance at her constant failure.

"I...I don't even k-know what that means! B-b-but I have an idea!" Soojin just wanted to fall to her knees, they've been at this for 5 minutes.

"Your problem...is that you aren't focus."

Soojin had fell to her knees, her mind exhausted from continuous failure. "I...just can't get it right"

"You are too focus on trying to see pass the task at hand, you needed to limit your goals in order to give the fullest extent." He sighed, running his hands through his gold locks. "Only think long term when you are completely sure the wall in front of you is BREAKABLE."

Damn, was this pervert still trying to find something fapible or was he trying to be a life coach?

She clenched her fist, slamming them into the pavement sidewalk."Dammit, this is worthless!"

"Is it though?" He walks up to her, too close for comfort though. "I can only imagine how much of _**his** _ all he's giving for such ' _worthless_ 'ness."

Dammit, she was conflicted. She didn't want to lose- for **fucks** sake, this **isn** 't a competition!

Soojin honestly having thoughts of giving up. Like maybe Mori wouldn't mind, or maybe she could call in sick, or maybe reschedule…

Her eyes dotted left to right almost as if they were going in a complete loop, like film on a reel. These thoughts poured into her head, soon she wouldn't be be able to stop it from overfilling. "It's...it's all just a clusterfuck of buttfuckery! Dammit!" Did I mention her colorful language?

Blonde gentleman pervert looked at Soojin seriously. "If it does not challenge you, it does not change you."

"W-what?" Soojin was caught off guard with that.

"You don't fix a problem by pretending it doesn't exist." He turned around, back facing Soojin. "You fix it by accepting there is a problem, then attempting to find out why it's happening and thinking about how to counter the causes."

Soojin shifted her gaze in disappointment at herself. "B-but-"

"Your legs."

"Huh?!"

Pervert say what?

"The most defining part of your body..." He then turned to face her again. "...those are the legs of someone who does **taekwondo** , I also noticed it because you don't wear a skirt nor long pants, but **shorts**."

"What are you g-getting a-"

"I'm saying your legs are sexy deary."

Soojin's face flared red, she tried to gain some distance between her and the pervert, almost tripping on her own feet. Me? I'm saying the pervert ain't wrong, she **thicc**. "You can't be serous!"

"BUT I AM!"

"I hope not!"

She was ticking him off with her foolishness. "Any girl can have **boobs** like yours, but how many can have have such **luxurious looking drumsticks**!" He was getting bothered by her constant denial of such. "Take advantage of you well toned **legs**!"

Suddenly, golden pervert felt the presence of **death**. **IMMEDIATE** death!

"Yeah, to kick your pervert ass!"

Shit, she mad now boi! Run!

"GAW!" The man coward behind a light pole. "W-wait you, don't be a fool!" When he looked at her, she wasn't even chasing him, she just...stood there, with her head down.

Which was strange cause he was sure she was chasing his ass.

"M-Miss?"

She didn't respond.

"I...I wasn't trying to be a pervert, I was just stating a what men would find most...sexy about you."

He stared at her, in fear that she might just charge at him, but she didn't...didn't move at all.

"M-Mi-"

"So... I just need to do some pose that shows off my legs...s-...s-sexily?"

It took him a while to calculate the fact she was on the idea. With a smirk, he answered; "Y-yes." "That should suffice."

"Good, bring out your camera, pervert." "I'mma' show you some kicks."

Soojin though of her most flashy and power kicks, what of course came to mind were her; **Northern ITF Taekwondo Right Flamingo and** **Left Flamingo.** She suddenly remembered something she saw on TV once, how flamingos would strut their stuff when they were looking for a mate. The thought made her cheeks hint red a little bit. **  
**

But that wasn't her concern, her concern was kicking and NOT destroying the fuck outta this city and or kill this pervert.

"Stand back." Honestly, she didn't even need to tell him twice, he was again behind the light pole.

Concentration her energy, Soojin preformed her **Right Flamingo:** **Three-Pronged Strike.** A kick more focus on keeping both flashiness and skill, it was often a hassle considering how difficult it was to pull it off just right, cause it required the user to always be on their right foot, unlike the **3rd Stance Hwechook**. Which just required three consecutive kicks, keeping the spinning motion and not losing the momentum. But she didn't want to admit that **3rd Stance** seemed easier, that monkey bastard would never let her hear the end of his constant teasing. Besides...her kick was harder, thus more of a gain, m-more accomplishing...mentally that is. You feel better pulling off harder stuff than more effective stuff...b-because...logic that's why.

"That kick, it's **MARVELOUS!** " He voice crack to the pitch that of a woman's. It was kind eerie. "What DO you call that kick of seduction?"

See, Soojin was rather flustered that SOMEBODY didn't mind the fact the **ITF** kick was complicated. Besides, models love doing and wearing complicated stuff. That's why they wore those weird dresses and fancy hairstyles. Because complicated quality is above standard quantity...just cus' L-LOGIC!

"That is my grandfather's **Right Flamingo** kick." She said rather boastfully.

"A flamingo..." He brought out his camera phone and instantly took pictures. "...one of the many _**Birds of Seduction**_ often seen in the _**Birds of Paradise.**_ "

She felt a little bit nervous, but thought nothing of it, just her shyness.

"Do...you want me to show you the other kick, my **Left Flamingo**?"

He smiled eerily at the litlle lady.

"Since this kick focuses more on the front, I think more than appropriate to catch some snaps from the back~."

Dem sexual innuendoes though, bruh what are you doin'... Of course Soojin felt a chill down her spine, but she knew he wouldn't try anything.

Concentration again, Soojin did a **Left Flamingo** **.** A kick more close to **Renewal** 's **Rising Back Kick** or **Round House** .Like it's right formation, it focus on keeping both flashiness and skill but is less of a hassle. Because it was basically a focused more on coming from behind.

"OH YYEESS~" He was ticklish to that. Snapping pictures from behind, left and right. "This one is not as out there as the previous, but with more focus on the backside, you can't go wrong~!" And that was real. You can't go wrong with the backside. "Definition of sexy~!~!"

"So you got what you need?" Soojin didn't show it, but her mental state was ice cold right now, not only did she just basically leaked her country's **ITF** but this pervert got pictures of her with the kicks. A lady doesn't betray her country y'all.

"Yes this is quite enough~." He returned his phone to his pocket. "Take advantage of your legs madam. You'll kick his heart out."

Something she might have legit wanted to do.

"I...I told you, it isn't like that." She averted eye contact because she knew that he'll read her like a book.

"Sure honey, of course not." He turned and walked across the street. "Then good luck with your 'hang out'."

Soojin felt another wound to her womanhood, whatever the fuck that was, but she also felt a reassurance to herself as a person. "If...if it doesn't challenge you...it does not change you."

She sighed relentlessly. "Damn fucking pervert can say some gutsy stuff for a South Korean..." She though about it. "Wait he had blonde hair...was he even Korean?"

La-de-fucking-da, _moving on_.

* * *

Soojin finally met the end of the line, the clinics entrance was right in front of her. She thought of all the pieces of herself she left with those perverts. Damn, will Jin Mori even still look her way, shit she did was technically punishable by death where she's from...more than likely not.

It only occurred to her now, like she had solved a puzzle. Soojin thinks back; bra strap, chicken, cat noises, sexy poses…

 **THAT'S IT!**

 **THE VERY GODS WERE TESTING HER!**

 **WHY DIDN'T SHE NOTICED IT SOONER!**

 **ONE MUST DIE BEFORE THEY CAN BE REBORN**

 **THESE WERE INDEED TRIALS OF FEMININITY!**

 **ALL THAT SHAME WASN'T LOST(yes it was) THE GODS WERE JUST MAKING HER THE ULTIMATE WOMAN!**

 **MAYBE JIN MORI IS INTO THE FLOWER TYPE OF UNDERWEAR SHE HAS, SEXY POSSES WITH CAT NOISES AND CHICKEN WINGS.** *cough*I know I would be.*cough*

Tears of joy rained from her eyes, all was not lost, they say God would never give someone more than they can bare… this was… this was perfect!

A new found resolve!

She was gonna show that monkey bastard that she was a BAD~ BITCH. She burst through the clinic doors. Taking in a breathe of resolve "YES I HAVE CAME!" With roars that reached heaven's ceiling.

"Sorry~ we're closed~!" The receptionists said.

"FUCKING DAMMIT!" With roars that burned hell's basement.

* * *

 **(TBC)**

* * *

 **Author note:Yes, I'm late and yes this chapter is short. You see, my reason is, I take a week to work on my original story, then I take a week to work on fanfiction** **. Anyways R &R.~ Feedback wakawelcome**


	11. C11:God of Echo Chambers

**God of Echo Chambers**

* * *

 **Disclaimer: This is a humor fanfic like it or not, grow a comedy gland bruh , no offense.**

 **PS:Don't own GoH**

* * *

 **Italic text are thoughts just in case you haven't picked up on it**

 _Both bold and italic_ **text represents thoughts or letters,signs, etcs**

* * *

Lee Soojin was faced with internal conflict, LITERALLY.

.

.

.

YES **AGAIN**

.

.

.

 **YES** THIS MAKES THE **4 OR 5 TIME**.

.

.

.

 **No** this will not be the last!

.

.

.

Yes I am sorry!

Ahem~~

Anyways... where were we?

Oh yes; literal internal conflicts.

Soojin had long subconsciously locked away cute and sexiness for years. She needed it awaken, it was her inner demon that she WILL take control of by the time her date comes around

"NOT A _DATE_."

 **S-Shut up bitch! I did not give you 4th wall awareness!**

*clears troat*

The only duo she knew that wreaked cute and sexiness were probably in the back. She thought of killing the receptionist right here...but… That isn't exactly the right thing to do, was it? But what could she do?

 _ **I-it….**_

 _Damn._

 _Damn…_

 _Fucking dammit…_

 _Little puppies burning…_

 _Wait…_

 _What?_

 _Shit dammit!_

Lee Soojin was just standing there in disbelief. Sweating icedrops that Soojin was sure she could hear them hit the ground, like the sound of nails dropping. Her mouth was a little bit dry.

Here body was shaking as if she was in below zero temperatures. So she must have actually been sweating ice!

Cold sweat? Literally wise also?

Her head slowly turned towards the receptionists. Eyes bloodshot.

" **sAy ThAt AgAiN...pLeAsE...** " Oh **shit**...

The Receptionist had the face of glee (honestly what the fuck is wrong with her), not even paying mind the mixture of murderous intent and mental brokenness that stifled up the air. It was akin to; musk and the smell of old bread.

"Oh, I said we're closed~. _Sooooorrry_ ~." Sweet lord Jesus, this woman is mad or just dense! She said that so joyously, unaware of the killer that has killed before.

Soojin swallowed hard on the 'closed' part. No sexual innuendo intended. Which caused her to stammer and trip over her words starting out. Also no sexual innuendo. "T-t-t-that's w-what I thought...you s-said." And she wasn't takin' no _sorry's._.. AGAIN, no sexual innuendo intended.

* * *

In the locker room of the clinic, nurses Heal and Sai prepare to leave work. Unaware of the dangers that lie outside.

Sai had an exhausted look on her face, she honestly just wanted a nap. "Taking care of gnawing perverts is bad for my own health."

"Jeez~"Heal had a much more dulcet and upbeat attitude. "We aren't getting any younger, so you better enjoy the men lusting while they are still interested."

Sai really didn't like that reply, plus, didn't really wanna tread into the topic of aging more. She just wanted the day to be over.

"Besides, if we were too take a vacation to the Sage Realm for a week, damn near half-" Heal was cut off by what sounded like loud shouting.

Sai however didn't catch ear of it yet.

"YOU CAN'T BE CLOSE…"

 _Huh?_ Sai took noticed to it also "Isn't it around closing time?"

"MY LIFE IS AT STAKE..."

Heal inched closer to the door. "Well ye-"

"I'M BEGGING YOU..."

Heal jumped backed a bit. She glared towards Sai a bit then back at the door.

Sai and Heal stumble out of the locker room to the main entrance, searching for the source of the yelling.

* * *

" **PLEASE** , YOU JUST GOTTA!"

Heal and Sai gazed upon a furious Soojin as she shook the receptionist by the collar.

Receptionist, still holding on to her optimistic mood. Rather strange how she can shake off the fact a crazy first dater rattling her brain...no puns intended.

"C'MON, I'LL EVEN P-" Soojin stopped her tangent rage/sob/mental breakdown episode… She noticed the two ladies standing a lil bit the ways.

"I...uh..."

Immediate and delayed silence followed.

It...it looked fucked.

Soojin had a deranged and distress look in her face "I-I...can explain." Releasing the collar of the receptionist, Soojin turned towards the ladies. Staggering like an undead zombie.

Sai, scared for her life, grabbed on to Heals arm. "i think maybe we should escape..."

Heal gulped as she was paralyzed with fear. "Maybe she has...a ...reason...so maybe we can sit down and chat like adults."

* * *

Heal stared at the young North Korean, she was sitting across from her, Sai was in the other room preparing something."So you got a…-"

"Hang out!" Lee blurted out in a rather hurrying fashion, as if she was expecting Heal to call it a 'date'.

I wonder why?

"Right… _'hang out'_..." Heal slowly fixed herself on the chair, as if she was unconformable with the aura of the room

Sai came in with tea for the three of them, place the cups for each of them then taking a seat next to Heal. She didn't have to, but it was better to sit where she could keep her eyes on Soojin. Honestly she could have escaped while she was preparing tea. "And you need our help...because…-"

Soojin was in a sate of staring into space, it was a good whole minute before she spoke again. Almost as if she wasn't sure of herself "I don't no anything about that type of stuff, or what guys like..." She could have asked Mansuk this, but then again...who likes that guy?

Sai was skeptical. "...So wait who is this guy…again?" Honestly she was worried it might have been Daewi, cus...how much girls now? 5 currently, including them? It's hard fending off one when you consider how God Tier they are.

Heal was just about as skeptical."*cough*Implying this guy is real*cough*" In a much more straight man manner. Ofc Soojin wasn't paying attention enough ti hear her say it, you can tell by the fact that Heal is still...ya know **...ALIVE.**

Soojin took a quick sip of her tea before speaking, clearly wondering how to tip-toe around this "I...I...eh, it doesn't matter who." She said that, but they knew exactly who it was. They didn't want to think it was him though. She was clearly embarrassed...

Then again, being in anyway shape or form acquainted with that idiot was an embarrassment.

"Well...we need a name if you wanna know what he likes." Heal pressed on, she clearly just wanted to hear the scoop rather than help.

Soojin jumped a lil "W-what? I...ummm." Her head felt heavy now, her eyes doted across the room. Possible looking for objects she can use to fake a name.

"Maybe just give us a description of what he's like?" Sai offered a much more indirect approach.

Soojin perked right up. "Y-yeah! That'll work." Now all she gotta do is describe almost every shounen manga character from 1980s to 2010.

Watch her fuck it up.

The nurses sat side by side patiently.

Soojin was biting her thumb nail, contemplating how not to give it away.

.

.

.

Watch that same sentence I wrote be used again in a very _**innuendous** _ way later in the story.

Yes ' _ **innuendous**_ ' is a word!

W-where?

uhhhh...

I-In here of course! HA!

Anyways, back to Soojin.

"Um...he's kinda stupid...but in a goofy way."

Oh naw…

"He always carries around this dumbass grin..."

Totally not…

"Bubbly, enough to make the depress kill themselves just looking at him."

W-whoa wait what?

"Fucking prancing around like the damn world is made of rainbows and happiness."

Okay, **Northern Land Ho** need to calm down, she need **MoRI(MoBY** ) **Dick**! **Great Sperm Waling!** lol, see what I did there?

.

.

.

I'm so sorry.

Continuing...

"Ignoring the fact people die and lives can be ruined so easily."

Your perception of him is rather shallow.

Her tone was clearly changing. Could this mean Hate sex in the future? No...just me? ...I'mma edit that out, that joke was tasteless.

"But"

Oh~? But~? Look audience, a gaze into positive aspects of the Monkey King from Soojin's POV. lets watch shall we...

.

.

.

"He's a **fucking** smug **asshole** that often doesn't even know how to read the mood, or what is the right thing to say to a girl. Always making a joyous face, it disgusts me just looking at him, just for once; feel the **PAIN** I feel every day just looking at you. **Feel** the pain I feel when you talk to me like I'm one of your **little poises**! You **inconsiderate** little **prick** , RETARDED, TUMBLEWEED FOR BRAINS, **NUMBSKULL, DENSE, SACK OF GOODY-TWO-SHOES,OBNOXIOUS, CLUMSY, IDIOTIC, AWKWARDLY CUTE, SON OF THE** _ **ORIGINAL**_ **BITCH!** "

Damn…they were expecting something positive. She just berated the bastard even more.

* * *

(With Mori, Daewi, and MuBong)

"Mu **JIN!** "

Whatever.

"Anyways Mori, the key to snagging the ladies is to be **Steph Curry** with the females."

"Steph _Friggin_ Curry?"Daewi glared at Mujin like he was an abrupt pedophile in the corner of the room.

"Ouch."

Sorry.

"As I was saying, **Stheph Curry** ,...not **Tyson Chandler** "

Daewi looked at this guy like he was crazy.

"Say what you want, having what it takes but squandering your talent makes you nothing more than a subpar performer for one reason. Having absolutely no heart, like you're scared your slip is showing. You will be nothing more than a punk and always will be. Nothing can cover up that amount mental weakness."

Daewi knew that little rant meant a lawsuit. Mori you gotta know that-"

 **"ACCHHOOOOOOOOO!"** A sneeze that sent the monkey god falling flat on his ass. Was somebody talking about him? No shit.

Mujin ran towards Mori pointing his finger. "SEE, WHAT I TELL YOU!" "Boy is already becoming a **Tyson Chandler**!"

Daewi was annoyed now. "There is NOTHING wrong with **Tyson Chandler,** stop trying to get the author hated on!"

* * *

(Back with Soojin and the Nurses)

Sai stared up at the ceiling.

"What's wrong?" Heal asked.

"Something is amiss, almost like a temporal shift...or an awkward cut from the main plot just for comedic purposes, only for an abrupt jump back."

Shit! She's on to me.

Heal glared at her friend like she was crazy, she then stared back at the other crazy in the room. "Are you done…with your...eh... _rant?_ " Soojin BTW.

Now they weren't sure whether it was Jon Mori… Who else could she hate that much.

"W-well you know you know they say..." Heal's tone was one of that trying to lighten the mood a bit. " _A_ _ **monkey**_ _on a typewriter will one day write a line from shakespeare_."

La'Gasp! "How did you know it was **Jin Mori**?!"

Shit! She's on to her too!

They sat there with bland confused faces.

They guessed it right?

What indicated that they knew it was Mori?

Didn't seem to matter now though

"I knew I came to the right people" Soojin stood from her chair. "You guys just...kinda get people, ya' know... Like honestly..just, ya' know?"

Dafaq? Both nodded very slowly in a melancholy like fashion. Both uttering."Y-yeah."

"We... _'ya'know'_ " Sai's tone was that of someone feeling almost sick to their stomach.

"So since you already know, you can help me right?" Soojin had a fire in her eye. Time for Heal and Sai to get the fuck out the burning dodge.

Again, nodded very slowly in a melancholy like fashion. Both uttering."Y-yeah."

"We... _'ya'know'_ " Heal averted her eyes as she nodded, with a face that could only be described as 'Well damn.'

"I knew you guys would understand!" She had a smile that bustle with new found intent to hurt somebody who did nothing to hurt her.

"I want you to make me relationship perfect!"

Notice she said ' _relationship_ '…

Heal shrugged at such an monotonous sounding objective "So you need us to make you..."

"La'Feminine!" Soojin yelled with such confidence!

Sai looked towards her partner."... _La'._.."

Heal stared into space almost as if a fly was in the room "... _Feminine_?"

"You know, like in the TV dramas!" Their attention returned back to the purple haired martial artist.

Soojin had a determined look on her face, the type of look that'll make you chance jumping form a second story window...and that's real

"The snakes."

Oh no, that's sounds deadly.

"The hussies."

Wait, word? Okay, I don't think this is animal.

"The wolves."

Back to animals, well a wolf doesn't seem like the best...y-...why are you calling yourself a bitch?

"The lionesses."

A woman who works all day while their oh so powerful husbands mostly laze around and do nothing, while you raise the kids. Seems legit as fuck.

"The vultures!"

You want the dude dead, so you can pick of his dead still beating heart. Also seems legit.

"Stalkers of the boys"

From animals to Jared Fogle?

"Alpha female!"

I'm pretty sure Lionessess covered this.

"A Top foxtrot"

I'I'm not even sure you know what that means, but I knew a guy in prison who was referred to as a 'foxtrot' ...they _tossed his salad_ quite a bit.

"I wanna ache the hearts of men!"

This bitch wanna be high cholesterol!?

"The man killers."

.

.

.

It's an appropriate time to ask again, what the FUCKSHIZZLE type of k dramas Mansuk be watching, cause like...wow yo.

She wants to have them dropping at her feet apparently.

Sai and Heal just stared at the North Korean. You see, the creature known as "Lee Soojin" was a very docile being but very violent when she doesn't need to be. When presented with something she wants, a rush of adrenaline and thirst, ignoring every thing else of value and matter in favor of that **ONE** particular thing.

All her goals became one.

She wanted to beat Jin Mori.

Sounds like the same plan right?

Well yeah, that's just it, she wanted to beat jin Mori by becoming the most prettiest lil' thang he' eva' don seen'.

And she'll do whatever sacrifice it takes.

Sounds like the same plan right?

Arm?

Pfft.

Leg?

Ever seen a girl walk with a gangster limp?

Offerings to the demon Selzar?

She'll get fresh virgin liver...that's not hers...it depends really, she doesn't need a liver…r-right?

All that stuff despite not needing to really dress up like you going to the Ball or relearning manners just so you guys can hangout at a fucking park more than likely, y'all just end up duking it out and I don't mean that sexually.

But yeah man, what could the nurses say? They didn't want their virgin livers offered up to Selzar.

"W-well, for starters, you'll need a new outfit." Heal said, with a new found fear of going out at night.

"YES!" Soojin's gaze hit the ground...floor...table "But...I don't think I have enough money though..."

Sai had to do something quick! "Not to worry, Heal will cover the cost~."

"H-HUH? Wait, I will!?"

Sai shot Heal a glare that said; _You agreed to help her, I said we should have escaped_. Now of course it wouldn't have made a difference, Soojin would have cornered them. Well what's different is the context, but none the less, Soojin would have tracked them like a bloodhound.

Tried to convince them in the most menacing way possible.

And if they refused.

She'd probably started crying.

But I digressed.

"O-of course I'll cover the cost, it's the l-least I could do." Her tone was less than happy about.

"YES! PREPARE YOU MONKEY FUCKER, I'LL HAVE YOU ASKING FOR ANOTHER ONE!" And she doesn't mean that sexually

* * *

 **(TBC)**

* * *

 **Author note:Sorry I'm late and that this chapter is short. NO excuse, just been working on my original story's plot outlines** **. Anyways R &R.~ Feedback wakawelcome**


	12. C12:God of Putting It On The Chain Wax

**God of Putting It On The Chain Wax**

* * *

 **Disclaimer: The humor in this fanfic is gonna offend some people, read with CAUTION , these jokes do not represent my personal opinions or thoughts on certain matters, I just like making stuff ratchet as fuck, hence the M ratting.**

 **PS:Don't own GoH**

* * *

 **Italic text are thoughts just in case you haven't picked up on it**

 _Both bold and italic_ **text represents thoughts or letters,signs, etcs**

* * *

Soojin was faced with an internal conflict-YES… **AGAIN** … DEAL WIT IT…

*clears throat*

Anyways…

Preparing for the strutting your stuff was as hard as war itself.

Soojin was now introduced to fashion, and just like on TV; it didn't look easy.

 **Nay**! It was even more complicated than on TV!

You couldn't just put two pretty looking things together!

That is just mere blasphemy to the FASHION GODS!

Everything was a combination, everything was a code, nothing was simple.

It was all cryptic for dimple life girl-...woman, Soojin.

"I fucking give up!" Soojin fell belly first on to the mall floor

Both nurses stopped to stare at their fallen student, who has collapsed on the floor from FOES(Female. Over. Exaggeration. Sysdrome.) it was a fatal disease.

Sai stood there glaring in disbelief at the body that lied before her. "We've only visited like what..."She pulled her arm up, gazing at her watch, then turning to look at her partner. "...20 stores...you can't be tired now."

Soojin responded, but it was in an indistinguishable mutter slash mumble, with a mix of sobbing and moaning.

Heal knelt down to comfort our young heroine-"Besides, can we not do this IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MALL?!" ...yes... _comfort_...moving on.

Eyes bellowed and behold the scene being made. Some of them could have sworn they've seen the purple haired teen somewhere before...

Oh yes, she was abusing her baby dady for child support money at Wara-Mart. Now they figured she was spending that poor lads hard earn money, they bet she never let him even see the kid.

"Such a broken system..."

"Heartless girl..."

"You think she's single…?"

"Is she hanging out with prostitutes...they look like hoes…."

Damn...no chill.

Both Nurses could hear the chatter in the background, feeling the stares and gossip. You'd think they'd pick the fool up, but no. They didn't want to accidentally piss her off.

Soojin managed to roll over on her back."Why can't you guys pick out clothes for me?" She stare lifelessly, straight into the oblivion that was the skylight of the mall.

.

.

.

She thought she saw a crow...crows were creepy as shit.

Heal sighed, pushing Soojin's cheeks together. Apparently, fear was gone now. "Trust me...you don't want us to do that..."

Soojin did nothing but shift her line of sight to Heal, raising a brow.

Sai had her arms crossed, she hadd let her eyes close slightly enough that she could glare at the Northerner. "We'd experiment on you like a doll."

Judge P?-*cough*

Soojin sat up, staring lifelessly yet confused at the dark haired nurse.

Heal poked the back of Lee's head."Use you up like an old dish."All of a sudden, now they are confident?

Sai kneeled down to Soojin's level. "Leave you stunting, fronting, and stuttering." Poking at her well kept bo-… _'_ _plot'._ Which Jin Mori accidentally poked once, and that following day, he went into a comma for 7 weeks from a severe brain injury…

Cause?

Sexual harassment…

wut?

Heal stood up, leaning on Soojin's head as a post."Hell, we might even have you looking like that one Kim K twitter post."

Sai looked up at her partner in crime. "Wasn't she naked in that one?"

Soojin face slowly crept into a horrified state, she didn't want to show off her nakedness in order to beat Jin...you'd think that stuff was last resort, but she is fo'real. She didn't want ANY nakedness...of herself...with his self...

But how far will you go?

"T-then do it." W-What!? "I'll do w-whatever it takes." Oh my!

Soojin rose up on her own two feet, standing above the kneeling Nurses.

Sai stood up on the right side of Soojin, feeling rather surprised by her willingness to die for such po-wait… Die? Bitch it's just some clothes… Word?

"Your very soul could be on the line, will you still proceed?"

..."W-whoa w-w-w-wait w-what!?" Instant bitch made voice. He voice cracked so much you'd swear it was thin ice made.

"Just kidding~~~"Heal popped in the niche of time to calm the flames of death. I guess she finally thought it time to end their taunting, all this soul losing crap, all this puppet shit.

They think this is a fucking game, people get killed out here n shit.

"But you do know you are leaving your faith in our hands?" There they go with this shit again.

Soojin, feeling somewhat relieved no soul stealing was involved, nodded.

She noticed now that both had this strange aura about them.

"So, young lady, describe the approach you want to take with this" Sai startled Soojin. "the direction..."

Her breathing increased. "I..." Her hands tighten into fists. "I wanna be a lady...but I also want to knock his socks off without laying a finger on him."

Her gazed was fixated downwards. It was a sign to them that she has yet to reach full confidence in herself. They thought about it. Questioning if they should just allow her to quit or not.

.

.

.

"It…shall be done"

Apparently, these Nurses were Shenron out this bitch. But only with the power of the dr-...moving on

"You shall wait at the food court..." Heal pointed towards the ground level center of the mall "And we'll get back to you when we find what we think you are looking for."

"So wait, I'm not coming with you?"

"NO offense, but you'll kinda slow us down~."

"I...I understand" She gritted her teeth. "Will do."

* * *

 **A Certain God, Monkey Lad, and the Devil walk into a Mall**

* * *

The trio of dumbass(Mori), lazyass(Daewi), and oldass(MuBong).

"That was so fucking uncalled for..."

Yeah well...It's not wrong

"I still have youth."

I think I see a gray hair!

"W-where?!"

Daewi put his hands on the old timers shoulder. He turned to look at his comrade in bros. "Don't worry Mujin...it can't be seen from behind."

"YOU AREN'T HELPING."

The trio wandered the mail til reaching the center.

Daewi was in the back, behind Mori. He was in front of him, but then he decided to pull that gray hair crap."So mind telling me again why we came to the mall." His eyes squinted.

MuJin was leading, so he was in front both of them."To let Mori practice talking to girls"

"So after instilling fear into his head that most women will drug him, you're just gonna drop him in the field?" He thought about the whole get girls numbers thing. Daewi's eyes looked towards the skylight of the mall "...this feels oddly familiar..." Old times of training maybe?

He could hear Mujin snicker. The man's hands went inside his pants pockets. "Training right?"

He looked towards the devil horned man. "How'd you know?"

"Who'd you think invented the method..."

.

.

.

"Sadly none of the number they brought back were pretty women(and P's were all just guys)"

Daewi's eyes squinted to the judgmental level. "Y-You are a selfish and terrible man."

"Nothing wrong with misusing my employees to help find me a female." The man hunched over releasing a sigh. "I still pay em."

Mori squinted his eyes in confusion "But… Literally you just said 'misusing' in that sentence."

Mujin had almost tripped on his own foot. He cleared his throat and pointed towards Jin "Oh hush now proxy, now head out and collect girls phone numbers, and no +663- numbers."

Daewi wanted to ask why specifically that number, but he felt a dirty joke coming up, so he left it lying there.

* * *

The trio had halted in the food court, why Mujin chose here was not only beyond me, but beyond stupid.

Instantly "Could we get something to e-" _Monkey go bananas_ wanted something to sink his teeth into.

"NO" Both stared annoyingly at the lad.

The boy gestured to them to ease off a bit. "But...I'm-"

"YOU'RE ALWAYS HUNGRY" Both berated the lad in complete unison.

Mori let his head hang in defeat. It was no point trying fight them for it, he just had to hold his gut in for now.

Jin Mori's eyes wander the area. Girls galore. Pussy cats roaming the eating grounds...

Too far?

Yeah...we might have to edit that out...

Moving on.

"Hey...what are the percentage chances that I'll actually get to talk to ANY of these girls?"

Mujin placed his hand on Mori's head. "With shirt on; 4%. With shirt off; 14%."

Mori reached for the bottom of his shirt, taking it off. "Already on it."

"Attaboi, bring out your inner Fuck Boy." He smack Mori's naked back lightly...this isn't gay.

Mobong felt like he actually knew what he was doing. "Don't worry, we'll have food for you when you get back."

Mori felt fuck bo-I mean...confident now, he set out and skipped into the crowd...fucking dumbass.

"It's okay if you strike out lad! Don't you know?" Mujin yelled to the lad. "Women feeling sorry for you is best feeling!"

The fuck?

Han slowly looked towards Mubong. "The...fuck?"

That's what I said.

Mujin looked, rather surprised, at Daewi. Chuckling a little. "Pity sex is where we men shine at" He warped his arm around the lads neck, "Sleep with me, or I'll cry."

Daewi's squint of judgement laid rest upon Park Mujin once more. "That is the worst possible advice you could give anybody ever." He pulled the man's arm from around his neck "And don't say that crap when touching me before someone gets the wrong idea, you will go to jail Jared Fogle."

Mujin retracted himself from the still 17 year old boy. He didn't like the kid's criticism of his ways around women."Excuse me, but exactly how much sex are you getting now? And by Who?"

Daewi retreated to a corner.

* * *

Mori walked among the crowd...shirtless. No luck had struck, no fucks were given. He was honestly starting to rethink the sexy approach. His eyes shifted through the crowd as he spun around, only to come face to face with the only girl he truly found easy to talk to...besides Mira.

"S-Soojin?" His face redden a bit.

It took Soojin a while to realize that he was in front of her. Pretty soon her face followed suite, reddening much more than his.

"D-dumbass?"

.

.

.

 **Really** bitch... _really_? "Could you not, please?" Mori couldn't believe his name was that hard for her now, touching moment to, ruined.

The redness faded somewhat and the cool-headed SooJin returned with a sigh "W-whatever, sup?"

"Nothin' much..."

"K-kay"

"Y-yeah..."

The fuck? I thought I remembered saying _'only girl he truly found_ _ **easy**_ _to talk to...besides Mira._ ' NOT this!

.

.

.

Both Mujin and Daewi came back with the food, Daewi halted Mujin as he stares at Jin and Lee.

"Why'd you st-" Mujin stares ahead, seeing the two, he slowly backs up, Daewi follows.

Somewhere else near. The nurses came around the corner, they had found a store to check out and were reporting back to Soojin. But as soon as they spotted that shounen hair right next to the purple one, they backed the fuck up.

"Oh my, what are the odds he's here?"Sai heart rate was doing 120.

"You think Daewi is near by?" Heal had the most goofiest grin ever.

"It would be no surprise."

.

.

.

"Shall we listen in?"

Sai gasped"I NEVER...had an idea I could agree with more~."

Heh...nosy women.

* * *

 **Mori and Soojin**

* * *

The two made their way to a bench, Mori just stood there as Soojin took seat, they were... chatting

"Heh...hey remember Mori Hui?"

"Yeah… How he only won against the King because he had my armor."

❝No! It was because teamwork!❞

"It was my armor." She turned her head away, cheeks puffed out.

❝And it was my clone. Seeing how he could take on The King makes me think even he can beat you, like I did!❞

"You only beat me because I used up all my energy, and he's much stronger than you are."

Jin didn't like that. ❝Hey, I did too!❞

". . .You got that one lucky shot in at the end."

❝Yeah, me saving you.❞ Whistles while looking away.

"It won't happen next time."

"So you're planing to blow up the planet?"

"Bah!" She smacked the Monkey lad. Not wanting to accept defeat.

"That hurt!"

"Yeah so does my pride."

"Does your pride cause swelling and reddening?!"

"NO but you should be glad I didn't take your balls."

"Wait what the hell does that have to do with anything!?"

"QUIT YELLING!"

"YOU FIRST"

.

.

.

"Wait why the hell is your shirt off?"

"Wait what? Uhhh-"

"Creepy Perv~!"

"DON'T MAKE ACCUSATIONS LIKE THAT IN PUBLIC!"

It went on like this for a while.

.

.

.

* * *

Jin had later taken space on the bench.

Soojin tried her hardest not to look at the fool. But she wanted to know if he was looking at her...confusing right? "Soooo, what exactly do you have planned" Her eyes manage to catch a glimpse of him, he was looking up at the sky...not at her. "You do have a plan right?" Her tone was a bit disappointed.

"Ironic, considering you have such narrow goals." Huh? She instantly snapped a stare of confusion at the now smiling monkey king beside her. She felt a bit of pent up annoyance surface. "Oh yeah?! Like what?"

Mori's head turned towards her, causing her face to redden a bit because of the direct staring. "Step 1: Kill me. Step 2:Gloat. Step 3:..." The lad didn't finish, he instead gave her a big goofy grin. Which was not only making her embarrassed, but annoyed the fuck out of her. But she wanted to really know what Step 3 was. "...Well? _Step 3_ what?"

His eyes rolled at her, holding in his laughter. "I-I was h-hoping*snicker* you'd tell me."

"H-huh"… It took her a while to get it. "Oh you son of the original bitch, I'd kick your ass if that wasn't so clever." It was very fucking cleaver.

The lad stood up. "Heh, so you admit it?" His tone still had bits of laughter in it.

"Hey...I have at least a Step 2...even if 3 is not formed, I can see the end of Step 2." She stood up just the same, poking her finger at his still bare chest. "But could you even see anything past your first step? I can see a very large victory laugh WITH MINE."

"Well in this case...Step 2 is going with the flow of it." Mori grabbed his shirt from over his shoulder, putting it back on.

Soojin was amused, her arms crossed as she waved petty towards the monkey lad."Pft, so short sided wit the goals. Elaborate more." She gave off that uppity vibe

Popping his head through his shirt top, "Yuh' know..." he fitted it on his body. "dinner and a movie, that's all."

Mai boi don plan it out, look at this boi right here, being Steph Curry wit the laddies. Go'on wit ya bad self.

Soojin felt her face heat up. "P-pft, boi if you don't..." She tried to brush it of, but anyone can see this chick sweating from miles away.

You can even say Jin makes all the females **wet**.

.

.

.

Get it...cus' sweat is water...water makes things wet-

Too far?

Fine.

* * *

 **Mujin and Daewi hiding somewhere.**

* * *

"Dayuuuum, dinner AND a movie?!" Mujin had an excited face on him. "Boy is doing **too** much for the pus-" *smack*

Daewi put the hands on him. "Don't…don't you fucking say it"

* * *

 **Mori and Soojin**

* * *

Soojin didn't want to be whisked so easily."Hmph, is that all?"

* * *

 **Nurses Hiding somewhere**

* * *

"The hell?" Heal had a face of disbelief. "If this girl don't shut the-" Sai had grabbed Heal's mouth and was holding Heal back. "Calm down, she just has higher standards"

Heal's mouth broke free from Sai's grasp. "A North Korean has a high standard of anything?!"

Ouch. That was offensive as shit...

"You know how much women wish a guy can take em out for dinner and a movie?"

"I understand that, but let her be her!" Sai was struggling just to hold the angered woman put.

* * *

 **Mujin and Daewi hiding somewhere.**

* * *

"That ungrateful bitch" Mujin uttered. Face blank.

Daewi felt like how Mujin was feeling now, but he was trying hard not to. "H-hey, maybe she just has higher standards...ya know, some women are like that."

The man's head turned towards the king of humans, almost robotic like. "A North Korean has a high standard for anything? Bullshit."

Ouch again.

"I understand that bu-"

"Boy, the last time I took a woman to dinner and a movie, I WAS BLACKMAILED INTO DOING IT."

.

.

.

That's a story for another time.

Daewi stared judgmentally at the elder before him. But his mouth couldn't bare to open.

 _What type of freak nasty shit..._

* * *

 **Mori and Soojin**

* * *

"W-w-wait, that's not good enough for you"

Honestly it sounded great to her, but Soojin thought it best to do what she saw all the vixens do on TV, and play _**hard to get**_. "Yeah, it's only good enough..." She kept poking at the lad's chest, acting all uppity and like nothing was bothering her at all. "If you got no class."

"Better learn to catch class."

"Unless you wanna catch these hands, boi"

"Thinking you gonna these catch anything from this lass"

"Better check yo' ass."

Bars!

Soojin's mixtape coming out soon-

Uh...I mean...

What the fuck is she doing…?

Mori scratched the back of his head as his eyes dropped to the ground. "So what do you suggest we do?"

"Pft, you need my help to figure that out?" On the inside, Soojin knew she was fucking up. "Hm, I guess you are really stupid.~"

"Well that's not fair..."

"Life isn't fair~"

Fucking up big time...

.

.

.

Mori wanted to rethink his plan. But he wanted to change the subject since now; he was feeling stupid for such a simple plan. "So what exactly are you here doing anyways...?"

She got flustered, "N-none of your damn business." Breaking out of her high and mighty phase. "Well WHAT are YOU doing?"

"Trying to talk to girls..." Yep, no point in hiding that shit, she may be acting like a bitch. But why did he have to act like a dick?

"W-what?"

"Yeah..."

"W-why?"

"I don't think that's any of YOUR business..." Okay nevermind, I'm sure being a dick was planned from the start. Damn, brotha curved that ass.

"B-b-but" Her eyes gazed upon him in horror, they twitch every now and then.

She went ballistic! "HOW MANY HAVE YOU TALKED TO?! TELL ME NOW!" Shaking him by his shirt collar, she then released it, thinking to herself for a minute. "Wait...you're probably lying." Her tone REALLY wanted to believe the crap she was saying. " _HA_ , failure, I doubt you were able to land o-"

"One..." He gave her a smirk, but she didn't think it as a funny matter. She could literally reach right underneath his gouach, right in the taint, and rip his jewels clean off.

"Who is the bitch!?" The sound of her voice cracking as she diminished the space between them. And this wasn't in a good way. Killing intent.

 _ **W-why am I so worked up?**_

Gee I wonder...

 _ **Why does my heart ache?**_

Naw, couldn't be...

Jin Mori raised his hand up to point her out. Soojin turned all sorts of directions, Wondering who the _**second hand hoe**_ is and how was she gonna **beat** her ass, shit if she had earrings, she'd take em off right now.

Shit.

A bitch was gonna learn **TODAY**. Pulling that fuckshit, chatting up her ma-...*reads script* P-PUNCHING BAG.

"Well asshole, where is sh-!" Her voice was demonic in nature, it was filled with the sound of life lossing. Mori however, he just stood there smiling.

Soojin could feel the rage leave her body as she felt a hand on her head. She didn't know what was so calming about it.

Soojin turned around to look at Mori.

"The one girl I was talking to, is clearly right here." He was referring to Soojin, touching when you consider she was gonna kill some girl...then him...then his balls...then herself. Not exactly in that order.

"W-what a-" Her face lit up red as she had just realized **this fool** made **her** look like a **desperate fool**. When she came into quick realization, she gave Jin a quick jab to the gut...which hurts.

He held his gut in pain,"*cough* I guess *cough* I deserved that." but also in pride.

"J-just why'd you do th-"

He powered through the pain, and stood straight, flexing his arms rather goofy. "So see you soon, I hope you dress appropriately~! Not too fancy, not too simple, 'kay?" The young king skipped about his business...still in pain though...he was 100% sure he had spit blood.

She couldn't let him win like that...despite already hurting him "Y-your date plan is still half-assed. It has no class, **LIKE YOU**!" She yelled in his direction as he disappeared into the distance. The thing about the way she's saying this...she has a smile. A small one, but one none the less.

She hadn't even noticed she's been standing there with that small goofy smile for about a minute and a half.

The nurses had walked up behind the unsuspecting and currently in La~la Land, Soojin.

Sai thought it best to do the honors "What does the bracelet say about her _La'Feminine_ Power level?!"

"It's **OVER 9000**!" Heal yelled, barely containing her laughter.

"W-what! That's **impossiburu**!" The same with Sai.

Soojin turned to them with a face red like hot iron. "Wi-w-w-will you STOP screwing with me!" Embarrassment to the MAX

Heal and Sai fell on the floor bursting out in laughter.

* * *

 **The other three**

* * *

Mujin pat Jin's back "Boy you put that on the chain wax!"

He didn't really thought they were watching. "You think I did?" He giggled "T-thanks..."

"But...put what on the 'chain wax'?"

"Oh, you put the pu-"

Daewi cut in"Repulsive Force".

And just like that, Mujin went flying. He turned towards the Monkey King, "He'll be fine..."

.

.

.

"More than likely."

* * *

 **(TBC)**

* * *

 **Author note:Sorry I'm late. WIFI is a bitch** **. Anyways R &R.~ Feedback wakawelcome**


	13. C13:God of…NOT Goin on da Down low

**God of…NOT Goin on da Down low**

* * *

 **Disclaimer: This might be offensive, characters are somewhat if not completely ooc, I don't own GOH, blah blah.**

* * *

Time was countable now…well it was before, but you get the point; the date is soon, blahblah, shits goin down, battle of the century. Just image a slower more cringe worthy Goku vs Freiza battle on Nami- oh what…wrong pair up…wait… This isn't freak nasty hentai? Oh wait…this is THAT story? Shit…I haven't done that in a while… I'm not even sure how to pick up…okay lemmie try this;

Somewhere far away past Avalon, past the lucky charms and over the hills, far far away…

There was an idiot…

Idiot:*pops into existence* Hm? *sees text floating above his head* Wait why am I named 'Idiot'?

On a couch….

Idiot: *Is sitting on a couch* Comfy…but-

Now this idiot…has a really big dick, STAY WITH ME ON THIS ONE….so this idiotic fuckers has a huge …'staff', we talking MOSES right now, no, even bigger, lets try; Ruyi Jingu.

Idiotic Fucker:U-uh, hey, my name changed!

Now because whale dick over her has…the 'perfect build' that of course means he lacks brains.

Whale dick-oppa: Are you fucking kidding me?

Now imagine how pitiful this guy is, since he's gotta battle Tom Ha-…I mean, a North Korean.

Tom Ha-…I mean, a North Korean:*pops into existences on the couch * W-w-huh?! *sees name* No friggin way…

Now Thing1 and Thing2 over here got to gets to doin da business! But we gotta take it slow to this point.

Thing2: **WOAH** Woah!…my name just changed.

Thing1:That's the thing you're paying attention to…not the magic floating couch in white space, or the voice of GOD telling us that we are gonna be doing the nasty in a while...

Thing2:Shut up!*hits Thing1 in the gut*

Now you see why this is gonna go slow? But enough about that, lets talk about…them.

Them being, Mr. and Mrs. Jin…no wait;Dan…Hue…wait,Jung?

.

.

.

Mr. and Mrs. Monkey King!(there we go)

Mrs. Monkey King:*sucks her teeth* As if I'd marry this generic ass loser!*hits him*

Mr .Monkey King: *coughs blood* Mercy on my soul, PLEASE!

Hey, both of you zip it, Now I can either write this, or a lemon/lime staring you and all four of the Mori's. We talking gang bang.

Soojin:...

Mori: FINALLY, my name is normal! …AND YOUR'S TOO!

Yes and now we continue with the tale of two ill fated lovers….there love is brief, and shortlived. Because one of them dies.

Mori:Wait…now you aren't making sense…

SHUT UP, MY STORY,*hits this dude wit lightening*

Soojin: *watches as Mori is burnt* Wow…I thought you were lightening proof.

Mori: That's what you find strange…not the fact that we ended up in a cheap n' cheezy love comedy that probably doesn't even have any sex scenes in it.

Soojin:*shrugs* Not like we have anything else to be doing…

Mori: Speak for yourself; I'm back being the main character of GOH again…you, you rarely make appearances anymore.

Soojin:*hits him in the face then the gut*Look at this boi talking shit.

Now we continue on with our story~!

* * *

Our unlikely (probably not even worth a second look) hero sat there in a very monotonous waiting room. Jin Mori could barely breathe the air that so thinly filled the space he sat in. Eyes dotting between here and there, this and that, they couldn't keep still. Looking for something to take his attention elsewhere. Nerve ending silence made the back of his eyeballs tingle or was it the fact his eyes were moving so fast.

Finally, he heard a creaking sound. It had taken away his breath as his eyes aligned with the origin of the sound.

A man stepped through a door, each step he took towards Mori made his heart go one beat faster.

They were both idle for a whole minute. To Mori, who just looked up at the man, it felt like an eternity. Which is almost as long as he lived?

Mori's mouth opened as if he wanted to say something, but his words ran dry, before he could try again; the man stole the silence in his place.

"Your test came in…"

Jin's eyes widen with horror as he tried to stand on his already shaken legs. "Oh my GOODNESS!

"I'm so sorry…"The man took off his glasses. Mori's world was already spiraling. He blinked rapidly like he was having some sort of seizure. He worried he'd feint before he could hear what the doctor has to say, on second thought, he might want to.

.

.

.

"You're an IDIOT"

Mori stood there in mute…"Wut? No bitch, tell me something I don't already know!"

"You have AIDS you nasty monkey"

"See-wait WHUT?!"

"JK", He pulled out a chart, waving it around lightly. " Your test came in positive for ZERO chances to get your dicky wet"

"Oh…" Mori sat back down, expressionless. The world went on as if nothing happened.

.

.

.

"I don't think you get it, you are so much bitchless, that even if you jumped into the deepest part of the ocean, your dick will still be dry"

This supposed doctor was fleek with ' _fucking'_ someone's hopes up…no pun intended.

"Wow…my chances are really that low?"

"Yep"

Hearing that, Mori squinted his eyes, not in disbelief, but in the complete opposite. It was almost not a complete surprise to hear that. It's just surprising that he's hearing it from a professional…

"That's why you're a perfect match for Lee Soojin, cus the only way she'd get any living man's penis near her ' ** _North Korean prison mine'_** is if she took it by force, poor soul."

"I see" Mori leaned back in his chair.

"That's why you gotta take that universe expanding staff of yours and bust down those _'mine cave walls'_ " His tone was suggestive, almost like a certain senator we know. "Flooding them til the earth starts to collapse on itself and making every inch of her w-"

"Wooooow…so where is this mine of her's anyways, in the north?" Interrupting the man was unintentional but definitely necessary to prevent me from going into great details about an orgasm…which would be cringey. "I didn't even knew she own'd a mine, she must have a lot of money…despite being poor"

The man just looked at the clueless boy. Pulling off his face, he reveals himself to be; Park Mu-B-

"Jin!" Mori's eye lit up. "Whoa, where did you come from, did you see the doctor I was talking to?"

Mu-jin wasn't even gonna dignify that with an answer. "Hey kid, all I'm saying…" He put his arm around Mori's neck, pulling him real close. Close enough to whisper something. "…Don't forget to ask her if she's a virgin-"

 _SMACK!_

A wild Jade Emperor appeared.

"I go to the bathroom for LITEARLY a couple minutes and YOU LEAVE THE **FUCKING** MALL…"

Mu-jin picked himself up off the floor. "And why the hell should I wait up for your ' _none ass getting'_ havin' ass?"

"You literally just used 'ass' twice just now…" Daewi's eye twitched.

"Your ASS just used 'literally' twice just now."

"THOSE WERE TWO SEPARATE SENTEN-"

"And I'm Jin Mori" Mori added.

.

.

.

They wanted to hit this dude but at the same time, protect his innocence from the rest of the world…especially North Korea. Because a woman has a very powerful weapon and she can make any man turn against his country, his god, his morals with that weapon. Shit, fuck putting tanks on the front lines, butt naked bad bitches would be just as effective.

"Mori…" Daewi grabbed the boy's arm lightly standing him up "You should go home, you've learn e-"

" **NOTHING**!"

"ENOUGH! Today!"

The tension was electrifying between these two, opposites in POVs, straightforward against gentle finessing…that sounded very fuggin sexual…but I digress.

"If you think so" Senator went straight to kung fu pose. "Fight me yung boi, I shall be victorious."

The two leaped in eachother's direction slow-mo, freeze framing just before the clash. Epic might was in both of these beings, for they were gods! With man flesh!

* * *

 **Park Mu-jin vs Han Dae-wi(A crappy story for another time!)**

* * *

Jin walked down the sunset street. His mind dwelled on one thing he thought as important. Etc

 _Damn…I forgot to ask him if mayonnaise was a sex position._

Whelp he's an idiot.

 _…And what's a sex position anyways? Why do I suddenly know stuff and then not know stuff? What bad writing…_

…Mori falls on his fuck face like a twat

Mori:*does so* OW!

Them he picks up his phone and dials Gang Man-suk, why he has his number...Gwim Gi gave it to him.

Surprisingly, when the other end answered, it was exactly who he hoped it to be.

"H-hello?"

"Yo yo!"

"EEP!- I MEAN, w-wassup?"

"I got an important question and I want you to answer me honestly…cause most people wouldn't"

"Oh yeah…that's n-not so pressuring."

Mori gave a light smile hearing that sign of approval "Yeaah…but it'll be quick…"

Soojin was on the other end twirling one of her bangs. "Well shoot already."

The tension between lines wasn't just on Soojin's end, Mori himself felt a little nervous. She could hear his lips part as his words were a bit late. Their heartbeats were obviously audible, but none wanted to admit it…or rather they thought it was their own.

.

.

.

"Hey…are you a virgin."

Whelp…I'll brb…

"Eh? A wha?"

"Virgin…"

"…"

"…well?"

"…"

"Do you need time to check or mayb?"

He heard the line hang up. Guess she caught on.

"Huh?"

Suddenly his phone rang.

"You called b-"

"Maybe I misheard you, WHAT did you j-just ask me?!"

"Oh? I was wondering if your hymen was still ther-"

He heard the line hang up. Again…

He just shrugged and kept walking. It was a while before he heard his phone ring again.

"Huh? You are starting to make me worr-"

"SHUT UP…You're asking if any… g-guy has gotten that close to me? N-NO. Why!?

"I'm interested."

"…"

"…"

"…"

Mori spoke; "Swiggity Swooty, on my way to steal you gurl~" Not even rhyming…though I'm starting to think this guy is secretly a genius.

"…I have a question also…where are you right now"

"Oh! I'm a couple blocks from Mu-Bong's plac-"

The phone hanged up again.

"Huh…strange girl." He continued walking. " _Bish_ thinks phone bills be cheap n shit…"

Suddenly Mori heard a loud stomping sound. When he turned around, he saw a beast of great rage charging towards him.

"Ohiyo Soojin!~"

This niqqa right here about to d-

"DIE!" Soojin sends her foot so far into his crotch, that she is literally rattling his brain, jarring some shit loose! Guess you can say she gives good _head_ …come at me bro.

"Now answer this…is your BALLS still intact?"

I'll answer for him…no.

The concrete under him had cracked from the force. She literally shattered the building behind him's windows from the shockwave. While he was bleeding out on the ground, Mori only assumed that she was indeed a virgin.

That and this dude just became a eunuch...

…

* * *

"I'm not sorry."

Yes she was…kinda

Lee handed him an ice bag that she brought from a corner store..

"So you do have money now…?"

"Sh-shut up…It's from that dumbass(Gang Mansuk)'s tax return…"

"Hm…" Mori grabbed the bag and sat on the thing, luckily it had stopped bleeding a while ago. His head rose because the sudden chilly temperature down south. "He filed it rather late…" The light from the store was the only thing that was making them able to see the wall of darkness in front of them. It seemed sort of magical; siting on the corner of the 7/11, people passing the two, not even stopping to look at them. It might not seem like much to you who is reading, but from their pov…it was like not existing. This to them…was a lot easier than living; being between two planes of life was a lot better than just staying in the one.

Mori's eyes rolled over to the female standing right beside him, her face was staring hard into the darkness, like she was a bit troubled by something…Jin didn't like that.

He took in a deep inhale.

"By the way." Long dark for a while now; they could only see the light faded orange specks of streetlights. Placed randomly as if dots on a chalkboard. "I saw it"

"See WHAT?!" Soojin jumped, instant frustration and instant blush.

The exhale came next.

"Your hymen…It was still intact" Mori said so casually, almost like he wanted to get hurt again.

She was about to beat this dude near death now.

"I looked at the back of your knee and there was no hole."

…

…

He just stared up, not even looking to eye her.

She kneeled down to his level so she could lightly smack him behind the head; her expression was a bit relieved and mixed with disappointment. Hmmmm~ Maybe she really wants that deep D-

 _I wanted to kill him._

THAT IS NOT THE THOUGHTS OF A LADY!

 _Fuck, I really want to kill him~!_

OR A SLUT!

 _I don't think I can go on living, if I don't kill him…_

OR EVEN A HUMAN BEING! FUCKING DEMON WOMAN!

"Alright…by the way…" Soojin stood back up, ready to walk home. But first; "Did you mean what you said…?" she didn't face him, his answer might cause her to react a certain way…so she didn't want him to see if it was getting to her.

Mori's eye's rolled to her again; he was looking at the back of her head. Not before he scanned her from head to toe. His mouth slowly gaped. He shook his head slowly as he wanted words but they were a bit late for his taste.

.

.

.

"Yeah…"

Her heart dropped in her legs, he posture was shaken, but she tried her damnest not to fault her stance. If she had a hint of stutter, that would be a hole in her defense. Timing was also a variable, taking that into account was impeccable.

Now.

"So do you like;…like me or something?"

.

.

.

Mori's head didn't move, his mouth didn't even close. "Yeah I guess…"

"You g-guess?" He had affected her pride now, was she to faulty to even have a reassuring answer?

"I mean…I like my bed…and my grandpa…so I don't know…"

She sucked her teeth at that half-assed response, but she knew…comparing the two, this was a fight for her…was it even all that to him? "Well you're gonna have to try a lot hard than this…to make me like you too…"

"Yeah…I guess" His tone shifted, he sound a bit serious. It made her choke a little bit.

She wanted to say something, but how could she…with that cliché resolve…Soojin worried she might actually end up losing to this guy.

"Alright…we'll see who wins round 2…" She lagged a bit in walking away, even Jin noticed it. Suddenly she bolted of into the darkness. Her footsteps faded as Mori pondered…

.

.

.

"She wanted me to walk her home… _ **shit**_."

* * *

 **A/N Shit...I'm late...just a short lil chapter to give ya'll hope...**


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